Ajax finally broke under both of their stares, roaring out to the forest, “She fucking lied to me! She fucking broke my heart!”
Rykon and Zayden stood completely still, trying to figure out what he was talking about. When Rykon opened his mouth, sure he had more questions about that brief statement, Ajax beat him to the punch, letting it all out.
“We fucked okay!” He glared at them both, hating that he was letting them in on our little secret, but if it was eating him up inside like this, then I was glad he was getting it out. “We fucked, and it was the best thing of my entire life. She took the deep dark pieces of me and showed me what we could turn it into. That I wasn’t weird or broken, but that we could be fixed together. Then she imprisoned us and became The Hood, the person my father demanded I kill, and old feelings have started to blend with new ones and I can’t make sense of them.” He was gripping his head at the end like he was still having a hard time separating them now.
Zayden stepped up to him and in a calm, matter-of-fact tone said, “We did, too.” Ajax’s eyes snapped up to him, anger laced with hatred swarmed his eyes but Zayden didn’t back down, he just tilted his head up in defiance. “I’m not going to let you hurt her because of her little lie, one that she most definitely couldn’t tellthe heir to the assassins’ guild. It's not an excuse for you to treat her like that. Just because of some similarities have taken you back to the memories of how you felt when Mika left.”
As soon as my name left his lips, they all stopped and looked at him like he just spoke death’s name, but he pressed on. “Emerald is not like Mika. Mika was fun and joyful, exuberant and full of positive light.” He sighed as he looked at both of them. “Years later, Idostill hurt over her, wishing I knew more about why she left like she did, but that changes nothing.”
“After I met Emerald, I recognized the feelings that I had for her were similar to how I felt for Mika, all-consuming and obsessive, but with each day that I spent with her I realized that my feelings for her are tenfold then what I felt before. Emerald understands the way of the real world. She can stare darkness in the face and laugh at it, sooth it, be consumed by it and like it. She can see the darkest part of my soul and not look at me worse for it, seeing it as a strength. We both have scars, have felt pain, understand that not everything is sunshine and ponies. Not every emotion needs to be positive and bright. Sometimes, the dark and depraved are just as powerful, just as needed, to shape who you are in the world.” He looked off towards the sunlight that was twinkling through the trees. “I feel like Mika came into our lives when we needed her. When our youth was coming to an end. She was such a great send off for that time of our lives that we still pine for those feelings we felt back then. With Emerald, there aren't fluffy bunnies and rainbows but there’s something raw and real, something stronger as each day passes. A connection to pain, suffering, and understanding, but also hope. I know she doesn't see it, but she’s this dark symbol of hope that those of us in the grime and dirt of life need. She makes me hope for things to get better, for me to be better, and that feeling trumps any of the feelings Mika gave me.”
If I didn’t have a death grip on this tree, I would’ve fallen out from the words I just overheard. I expected feelings like that from Ajax or words like that from Rykon, but I never thought Zayden would be the one to be brave enough to say it. It caused my heart to crack right open as tears I kept locked away threatened to break free.
They all just stood there for a moment, soaking in all of what Zayden said. Rykon turned to Zayden, needing to get something off his chest, “We may have not fully fucked yet, thanks to you, asshole,” he glared at Zayden for a second, “but I think you put it perfectly. I haven’t been having dreams of Mika since I saw Emerald. It’s like they morphed into Emerald, and now my heart feels light and free. I want to keep that.”
Ajax kept his face to the ground as he said, “But it doesn’t matter. None of it matters because we tried this once and it didn’t work. It tore us apart.”
Zayden spoke up, “Yes and no. I think us tearing apart was as much our fault as Mika’s. We were young, not understanding how to handle heavy emotions like heart break but now, after everything that has happened since,” his face paled as he remembered something, “now a broken heart feels like child’s play. I have been hurt in far worse ways than that now… and I’m still standing.” Then he squared his shoulders, eyes bright with confidence, “As for all of us with her… Well, just like with Mika, it’s really not up to us, it’s up to her. Even if we all agreed we’re fine with it, she may not be.”
Rykon nodded. “Also, I think we are counting the chickens before they hatch. Right now, we need to focus on this task of ours, helping her and being assets to her. Even if we tried to push her to choose anything right now, she might just say fuck it and leave us all because there’s a bigger threat looming. I think we need to play it smart this time.” Zayden nodded, both of them looking at Ajax, waiting. He shifted his face up, face pulled tight as he gritted his teeth and nodded like it pained him to do, but he still agreed.
Then he grumbled, “We also have to watch out for that damn pretty boy prince.” Zayden nodded as Rykon smirked.
“But first we have to succeed.” Rykon reminded both of them.
Zayden grinned and rubbed his hands together. “Okay, so let’s lay down some groundwork for the in between.” He lifted one finger. “One, I think we should all be able to explore a casual relationship with Emerald however we see fit.” All of them nodded as Ajax’s neck visibly tightened. “Two, no talking about the future or any wifing up plans,” his eyes drilled into Ajax who blushed, “that will need to be held off until we have more of a grip around how she feels and not while we are on a wilderness trip.” All of them agreed.
Ajax suddenly held up three fingers, “And three, let’s not lie to each other.” It seemed simple enough, but Zayden just had to open his mouth.
“So, you want to know how I pleasured the shit out of my mistress? Sure! First, I started by-” Zayden’s hands were up as he was trying to show with his fingers exactly what he meant.
Ajax snarled out, “No! I don’t want fucking details, you moron, but if I fucking ask you something, you could just nod or whatever.” His chest rose as he inhaled and blew out a pained breath from his nose. “I just don’t want to be lied to anymore. It makes me go crazy and I say and do stupid fucking things. I would like tostopdoing stupid fucking things.”
Rykon smiled at him. “I quite like when you do and say stupid fucking things. It makes me look even better.” Ajax threw a punch at him, but it was light and barely caused any damage.
“I agree with Ry. Keep making stupid fucking decisions. Then I can comfort my gem and confirm to her how horrible you are.” Ajax lunged for Zayden, taking his head into a headlock and rubbing his knuckles into his hair.
“No! Not the hair! You fucking animal!” He bellowed the last part, and I almost laughed out loud. “Do you know how much effort it takes to look this fucking edible?!” He wiggled out of his arm and combed his hair with his fingers as Rykon and Ajax gave each other sneaky looks that looked like it was going to get worse for Zayden before it got better.
They were going to start heading my way soon, and I needed to head back to being in front of them. As I leaped from branch to branch, I heard Zayden cry out again and the two others laughing their asses off. My heart grew from the sound, and a smile I couldn’t help formed on my lips. My boys would make it. They would make it out of this somehow, together.
I couldn’t help but drift my thoughts to what they thought and decided about me, but I told myself not to dwell on it too much. Tomorrow was never guaranteed.
Then a sneaky thought squeaked through.Would they still feel the same if they knew the elusive Mika was also the dark and hardened Emerald? What if they couldn’t get past that hurt and betrayal?
I swatted those thoughts away because Rykon was right; we had a lot of other things to think about and get through before we could put any thoughts to the future. One thing trumped all of my thoughts as I realized I was a little happy, that if for some reason I had to leave at the end of all of this, I was confident they would be whole and happy again with each other.
I got to a clearing far up ahead of them and waited until I heard them, acting like they caught up to me versus me waiting for them by walking a little slower than I normally would. Also, the cliffs were a few yards ahead and I would like to figure out together how we wanted this all to go.
“My Gemmmm! Oh, my Gemmmmmm! Why did you leave me?” Zayden sang out of tune.
“Shut up. You’re going to make her leave us behind for singing like that.” Rykon grumbled.
I swung around just in time to see Zayden skipping through the woods with Ajax and Rykon looking around the forest, trailing behind him.
“My Gem!” Zayden called out once he saw me and skipped/ran over to me, stopping right in front of me as he snatched up my hands in his.
“Don’t worry, my gem, Rykon, and I took care of the mean, old grumpy man. He will be on his best behavior now.” He nodded in seriousness, with eyes that looked all over me like we were parted for days instead of minutes.
