I shouldn’t have let him get me upset. I know this. I knew better. Been better. Letting far worse things be said and done to me without having a spark of feeling towards it, but these three, for some reason, have a direct line to my heart. A line I can’t shut off, even when I tried. So, when he said those things to me, making me seem like a fraud, making everything that I went through and dedicated my life to a lie, I just exploded.
My heart started racing, my mind rushing forward with all the harsh and painful lessons I had endured. “Excuse?!” My head ratchets to the side, my anger coursing through me like lightning.
I don’t know what my eyes looked like, but when Zayden saw me, his own got wide and he lifted his hand out to comfort me, but I was having none of that. I wanted the fury inside of me to burn.
“You think I didn’t want a childhood where I could be outside and playing with friends, instead of my father teaching and testing my sneaking and weapons skills?” The voice that came out of me was slow and menacing. My chest was heaving, but I didn’t care. I had to get this all out for once.
“You don’t think I wanted to spend my youth dancing and drinking in pubs with my friends instead of learning meditation techniques for less sleep while the monks beat me with bamboo to keep me awake for seven days?” Second by second I could see his eyes lowering, his fight leaving his body with each word I cut out at him. The others softly came closer.
“You don’t really think that I wouldchooseto spend months with Kaahen priests practicing on people that they brought to me so I could be proficient in finding the spots that caused the most amount of pain, the places to cut to ensure someone doesn’t bleed out, the spots that offer either a slow or quick death, all while the people beg me to stop. Screaming at me that they did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment!” I was unraveling years of pain and guilt that I had shoved into the recesses of my mind, ignoring it in order to keep going, in order to be the best - like my father.
“You knownothingabout what I have gone through. What kind of training I’ve had. How everything I did, how fast I learned, how quickly I responded, all of it reflected on the great Stevos Rocnal! I was the daughter of the best and I needed to be the best!” My body was now shaking with rage as I took a step closer to him, my fingers twitching at my side, wanting to slide those thin thigh knives out and throw as hard as I could.
“Don’t youdaretell me that what I have spent my whole life honing, giving up everything for, is a lie. Some fake thing that I have made up!” I screamed the last part, not knowing how else to convey my feelings.
I could see the sadness, the pity, the regret peppered in all three of their expressions, and I hated it. I hated it more than the words that started this all. I growled, furious at myself, and turned swiftly in the direction we needed to go. Not caring if they followed me or not. I needed to get away from them. Control the emotions that overtook me. Make sure it doesn't happen again.
I could hear Zayden call out after me, but I just kept going as fast as I could. They’re big boys, they can figure it out. I didn’t need to hand hold them through the forest. Then the attack from the shadow fae came to the forefront of my mind, and I bellowed at the sky.
Why did I let myself fall for them all those years ago? I knew what my life was going to be. I knew that I only had those couple of days and nights with them, but I let all my shields down. Letting them get to know Mika, the normal girl on the inside who enjoyed dancing and loved to sing. With my emotions thrown all over the place, my mind thought back to the day it all started.
“Mika.” I stood up, hands behind my back, as I looked up at my father. I was getting antsy and bored being in the room we shared when we were at the castle. I could usually find Vance to play around with, teach him some things while we talked about how frustrating our fathers were. I had to admit, after all the things that Vance had been through, the lies, manipulation and backstabbing, I thought that enduring my father’s training, and those of his assassin associates, was better than what Vance went through. My father may be harsh, strict and demanding but he didn’t con me to do things in the name of love, he didn’t lie to me daily to make me feel better, he most definitely didn’t use me to make himself feel better.
I didn’t get to hang out with Vance tonight because he had to go to some court dinner to start off the festival. It was the first day of the Eclipsion festival and we almost always spent it with each other since we both had fathers that usually worked that night, but because he turned sixteen, he was expected to show up and make the king look good, like he had a strong and successful line behind him. Even if he never really included Vance in any of that.
“I need you to not be visible in the castle for the next couple of days. Here is the address for Katrina, the woman who used to babysit you as an infant while I was doing work here. Her daughter Ruby is around your age and you can be around her for a little while. Maybe get in some youthful girl time.” He didn’t smile as he said this, but that still didn’t mean that this wasn’t just another test.
“I know I can be of use here, father. I can make sure to be unseen. I have practiced this a lot. I can use the hidden passage-” I started to explain my usefulness, not wanting to be left behind, but his lips turned down.
“Mika, I’m serious. I need you to not be here when the guards come to check my room sometime today.” He saw my confused face and sat down with his head hung, looking older than I had ever seen him before. “Someone overseas informed the king that I had an apprentice. When I told him I left you in Cartooth he didn’t believe me and was going to have my room searched, and I’m sure watched, for the duration of my stay. I need you to not be in the castle at all until I come get you to leave.”
I sat down in disbelief. We had always been so careful to not let anything get to the king without us knowing. He scooted closer to me, lifting one side of his mouth for a second before it went down into the firm line again, “It’s going to be ok. Take this as an opportunity. Hang out with normal people your age. See how the other side lives and learn from it. Maybe make it into a training exercise, into how to act like them, blend in with them. You will need skills like that when you are no longer my apprentice.”
There was a knock at the door and both of us stood up. He waved at my bag on the floor and I snatched it up. He opened his window and handed me my climbing claws as he whispered in my ear, “Remember, I will find you wherever you are in a couple of days and we will head out.” I nodded and strapped on the claws as he said he was coming.
I went out the window, glancing at my father for one last time before I started to quickly climb down the side of the castle. Luckily, we were on the side facing the ocean, so no one could see my descent.
Once I got to the ground, I toed my way around the base to get to the outer wall where I knew a small hole was and climbed right through. I looked at the address he gave me and walked in that direction.
The streets were filled with vendors and food carts, dancing and singing spilling out of the pubs and into the streets. There was not a soul who looked sour or sad, everyone was happy and having a good time, celebrating the joining of the father god and mother Earth. The two halves of the whole. The creator god’s day of creating all that we know now.
I looked back at the address and then back up at the people around me. The bustle of the streets, the delectable scent of the food, the music that was pounding out of each door making my hips want to sway. It was all so invasive and intoxicating. I had never experienced how the people of the city celebrated the holiday. I was always stuck up in the castle, Vance making me play cards with him and me making him sit on the rooftop with me to watch the fireworks.
I thought back to my father’s words and maybe my father was right. Maybe I needed to experience what the average Onesian experienced to know how to act when I was around them. I looked back at the address, knowing I had enough coins in my purse for food, drinks and a stay at an inn for a few nights. I folded up the address and put it in my pocket.
I was about to go into one of the pubs when I noticed I was in my assassin garb, black pants and shirt, leathers on, weapons at the ready with my hood and mask up. This would not do. I went over to the shop that looked like the owner was about to close up for the night and I stepped in the door. She looked up at me with wide eyes before I said, “I need clothes for the festival.” I remembered my emerald green hair and continued, “Also some black dye.” When she gave me a wary look, I pulled out my purse. “I have the money. Just help me and I will be out of your hair.”
Her greedy eyes looked at the money and nodded as she went to go get the things I required. She shoved me into a dressing room and I got dressed quickly. She gave me a low cut red dress with only strings in the front to keep it together. It grew tight in the waist but then slightly looser around my hips, with a slit up one side. It was a breathable linen type of fabric that I didn’t hate. I asked her if she had another one, knowing that I was going to need at least one more for the next day, and she packed me up an olive green one in the same style. I kept my lace-up boots, not wanting to try and work through the pains of getting new shoes, and I left my thigh strap with a few knives in it, just in case. The rest went on my back with my weapons.
I looked up at myself, not recognizing a single thing about me, and I decided this was going to be the only time that I could live like this. The only chance I’ll have to be a normal sixteen-year-old girl. In the dirty old mirror, I made a promise to this new version of myself that I was going to try as many new things as I could do with the time I had. I wanted to experience it all.
I paid the lady and was on my way to the inn to put my stuff down and then I could partake in the night’s activities.
The first pub I went into, I just sat in the back and watched all the patrons, learning what it meant to celebrate, have fun and let go. After a while of that, I went to another pub and put what I learned to practice. I got myself a couple of drinks to get me nice and loose as I prepared to do something I would’ve never dreamed of. I was going to sing in a room full of drunk strangers.
I finally got up on the stage, the man manning it not really paying attention as he saw me get up and he immediately got down. I looked into a sea full of strangers as I sang the only song I knew. It was an old sailor’s song I heard a lot while we traveled, about a sailor and the siren who captured his soul with her song, never to return it again.
After I was done, the room was stunned stiff. Not a single person made a sound after I finished. I thought I must’ve done something wrong, when suddenly a drunk man in the back started clapping as he cried, saying it was the best song he had heard in all his life. After that, a roar of claps, hoots and hollers happened, cheering me on, telling me how great my voice was. I knew in my soul I would never be the same after that. That small thing I just did opened something up in me and I wanted to bask in it for as long as I could.
