With that, she turned on her toes and quietly walked back through the trees toward camp, leaving me there alone with my thoughts again. Only now I had more than the lingering traces of my nightmares to contend with.
I saw cavities where eyes had been
And they echoed horrors of what they’d seen.
~Gareth Hedgeland
Hours passed. Clouds rolled in, darkening the island and filling the air with the scent of rain. The soothing aromas did wonders for my crumbling mind. I breathed it in, savoring every tiny detail of it so I might recall it in the worst of times. I savored the sound of the stream and the way the wind tickled the trees, building a fortress in my thoughts in which I could hide if I needed to.
But a wretched voice inside me said that wouldn’t make a difference if I ever found myself caught in Akareth’s nets again.
It didn’t matter. I would build it anyways, again and again.
Vidar’s boots crunching through the foliage was not as subtle as Aeris’s bare feet, but I liked that I could hear him coming. I liked that I could prepare myself to look at him.
When Vidar finally appeared on the other side of the stream, I dared myself to meet his eyes, fearing I’d see his face skinned and rotten or his mouth agape in a silent cry. Instead… I only saw him. His rugged, handsome features were bathed in the muted light. His ropes of hair were pulled back into a braid.
A hint of relief washed across his face when I did not shy from his gaze. He moved toward the same rock Aeris sat on before, but rather than sit on it, he slid down in front of it, placing himself on the ground, his back against the stone so he was on my level. He pulled up one knee and rested his elbow on it, letting out a deep breath.
“If you do not want me here, you can—”
“I want you here,” I said.
He paused to look at me, the slightest hint of a smile gracing his lips.
“Good.”
My pulse beat a hundred times before either of us spoke again. It felt good to indulge in the peaceful silence for a bit, but I knew there was a lot to be said. It would have to begin sooner or later.
“I am not changed,” I muttered, staring at the water.
“Yes, you are.”
I whipped my head toward him, my teeth gnashing together at the insult.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he said. “Whatever happened—whatever you saw—it changed you. It changed everything. It showed us all what he’s capable of.”
“It showed me more than that. I understand now how he did it.”
“Did what?”
“How he changed the Kroan. How he enslaved us. ‘If you eat of the flesh, you eat of the soul.’ I told you once that I didn’t understand how it worked. Kroans know that when we are called, we go to him. We come back or we don’t, but if we do, we are with child. That’s how it’s always been.”
“I remember.”
“Those who return are broken. I told you that, too. And now I know why. He feeds on us. And once he does, he plagues our mindswith horrors beyond what we can stand until we have nothing else but him. My mother had gone to the depths many times. More than most. Every time, he took more of her and she kept fighting him.”
“How do you know?”
“He told me. She didn’t break like others did. She was slow to give in. I believe it was the reason he took Lyla. He wanted her, but she never fully surrendered. Evil as she was, something remained of the woman she used to be. I have to believe that.”
“God,” Vidar said under his breath. I watched him lean his head back against the rock so he could stare up into the sky.
“Vidar,” I said, drawing his gaze.
I lingered for a moment, tracing every contour, scar, and curve of his face with my eyes in hopes of never forgetting a detail.
I love you.
