“That is what frightens me, too.”
I let his gaze drown me for a moment. The way he saw all of me was a torturous relief and I savored it, knowing no one else in the world would see me the way he did.
“Now come for me,” he said, pressing his lips to mine.
Hints of hemsbane-laced rum and my arousal coated my tongue as he thrust his fingers deeper, hastening his movements. I could scarcely breathe. I arched up against him, shuddering under the threat of the oncoming climax. His thumb assaulted my clit, forcing me to come hard and fast against his hand. I sucked in a clipped breath, throwing my head back with a choked moan as the fiery, intense ripples of pleasure invaded my every nerve. It went on for ages, keeping me stagnant between a dream and reality until the euphoria finally began to fade, lowering me back down to consciousness. I relaxed against the bed, opening my eyes to see Vidar gawking, entranced by every little thing that I did under his touch. He slid his fingers from me, bringing them up to his lips. I watched him glide his tongue over the wet digits with a pleasured sigh before he leaned in to kiss me again. That time it was gentle. Patient, and unhurried.
“The ways I can make you come have me utterly transfixed,” he whispered.
“You forgive me, then,” I answered.
“Always.” His eyes softened, the devious edge becoming duller as he stared. “But please, don’t give me reasons to have to.”
He reached over me, loosening the leather around my wrists. As he stood off the bed, I sat up, rubbing the soreness from my chafed skin.
“What if this is all wrong?” I blurted out. “Seeking Akareth as if this is a battle we can win.”
“You think now is a good time to let all this unfold as it will?” he scoffed. “What did that bitch say to you?”
I gulped, pulling my feet under me. “Things to upset me, mostly. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t know if this is something we can simply hunt and destroy without destroying ourselves in the process.”
He lowered himself into a crouch in front of me, taking my wrists in his hands and gently massaging the flesh with his thumbs.
“I wasn’t planning on this being just another hunt. If it were another hunt, there would be coin at the other side. This is for us. For you. For any sorry git that steps foot in the sea or on a boat. For every siren like you and like Meridan and Aeris. Now, tell me why I’m convincing you to do this rather than it being the other way around.”
Gus was in the ground, but his words still whispered to me, providing wisdom when I needed it most.
“You carry too much on your shoulders, Vidar,” I murmured. “I would do anything to unburden you.”
“Answer me,” he demanded.
“I’ve seen you, too many times to count. You come to save me, time and time again, and you fail. And every time, I must watch you get torn apart by things—creatures—that even I cannot fathom. And I cannot save you. And you cannot save me. And this terrifying, wonderful thing we feel for each other? It gets destroyed.”
“You think I haven’t seen the same things? We share those moments, remember?”
“You said you can’t remember our dreams.”
“I remember some of them. The worst ones. They always seem to stick around. But they’re dreams. Our fears toy with us. And if we allow fear to control us, then we’re weaker than any enemy has ever thought. I know that’s not true.”
Tears threatened my eyes. I held them at bay, chiding my body for the betrayal.
“Vidar, I cannot lose you,” I whispered. “But I fear you will never have all of me unless he is gone. And I am—”
“Then it’s simple. It always has been. We keep hunting.” He shook his head with a deep and groaning sigh. “But not tonight. I’ve had too much rum and I’m not about to go planning anything right now.” He stood and I gripped his hand, beckoning him to stay. “You need sleep, Dahlia.”
“So do you.”
“I’ll sleep in a few hours. You first.”
“Vidar—”
“I’m not sleeping with my men still awake out there,” he half-smiled. “In a bit, when they’re good and tired, I’ll wake you and you can keep watch, yes?”
He had a way of putting a productive spin on things when I was reluctant to do it. I conceded, slouching back on the bed. As if Vidar knew I felt defeated by his reasoning, he chuckled, tossing a thin blanket over my legs.
I closed my eyes, hoping for the best but dreading the worst as I let fatigue take me. Lyla’s bite still throbbed as if it were fresh and as Vidar’s footsteps faded, a familiar sense of loneliness rested its cold hands on my cheeks. I curled up, pulling the blanket to my chin, and began building walls I knew would not hold.
You’ve been fooled by a shadow of me.
