“I saw one the day that Gus died,” he said. “Fucking monsters.”
“I never saw a Kraal with my own eyes before that day. I wish they did not exist.”
“So that is what generations in the dark depths does to your kind. They look more dead than alive.”
“Maybe they are. Death comes in many forms. Their minds are so far from being their own, they are practically corpses, hungering for flesh.”
He slid another piece of paper toward me. On it was drawn the grotesque, dark form of a xhoth, its mouth in a permanent smile showing its teeth. It was tall, standing on two legs, its feet and hands tipped with sharp claws. There were fins on every limb and one large one down the center of its back. The sizable, unblinking eyes were soulless, like everything Akareth had ever created.
“After seeing all we have seen these past months, it is hard to believe I thought Kroans were the worst the ocean could offer.”
I stared down at the drawings, my thoughts running rampant with the possibilities. There was no telling how many we would face when we reached Theloch.Ifwe reached Theloch.
I could drift into the tides of my endless worries for another night, or I could leave them till morning.
I swiped all of the papers off the desk, sliding them back into their leather folder. Vidar stood up straight, finishing off his tea from a wooden cup with one last gulp. He set his cup down and turned toward the bed, but before he was out of my reach, I pressed my hand to his chest. He first looked at my hand as if surprised and then turned to me, waiting. And why wouldn’t he question it after how I had been acting?
I soaked him in. Studying his face seemed the best way to remind myself I was not in a dream. The lines had become so blurred, but the moment I knew he was real, it hurt that much more thinking I could lose him one final time and that would be it.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he said.
“Like what?”
“Like you don’t think we’re making it out of this.”
I moved closer to him, yearning for his warmth. “Should we not always act as if we are about to die?”
He took a deep breath, defeated, and pivoted to face me fully. “Dahlia, what is it you want?”
That he did not know dulled my desire. Perhaps it was stupid of me to expect him to understand, but I was at a loss for words. My ability to communicate what I needed had left me and I was stuck feeling trapped, tainted, and buried under mounds of rubble from the walls I’d once built around my heart.
“I…” I began, unsure where the rest of my voice was hiding.
I shook my head, my thoughts suddenly caving in around me until I couldn’t remember what it was I had come into the room for.
I was lost.
I turned toward the door and began my retreat like the coward I’d become.
“Dahlia,” Vidar said. “Stop.”
“I will keep watch through the night again with Meridan.”
I gripped the door latch and pulled when Vidar’s hand slammed against it, ripping the handle out of my grasp and shutting it again.
“Don’t do this,” he pleaded.
I remained facing the door, closing my eyes.
“I’ve done nothing.”
“Exactly. You’re running from me again. I have seen you run from a thousand other things, right into my arms, but I cannot stand you turning away from me. Tell me what it is you need.”
“I don’t know.”
“When last I tried to touch you, you shied from me. Now… I don’t understand what you want, but I want nothing more than to give it to you, Dahlia. Please.”
“How am I to tell you what I need when I don’t understand it myself?”
