I tuck the blanket around my legs while the girls retrieve everyone’s wooden tiles and return them to the box. I watch them with my heart expanding in my chest. They’re so grown up. It only reinforces the fact that it’s been too long since I’ve seen them.
“Are we playing another game?” Ben asks.
He’s sprawled in an armchair opposite of me, his demeanor relaxed. Ever since we arrived, he’s been outgoing and cheerful, cracking jokes with Emily and exchanging playful digs with Sandra. It’s a replica of how they used to be before he left for college.
Yet whenever he interacts with me, there’s a distance, a cool reservation that was never there before.
“I’m good for one more,” I say.
Ben’s eyes land on me, but the second I glance at him, he looks away. Pain streaks through me, and it takes a fair amount of willpower to keep my smile in place.
“You go first, Delilah,” Gloria says.
I grab my letters and focus on the task at hand. After putting down a particularly complex word, I make a face at Sandra. “How do you like me now?”
“Nice one,” Ben says. His tone is happy, but his smile isn’t as bright. “Looks like college might not be a complete waste of time.”
Emily rolls her eyes with a grin. “Whatever.”
As the game continues, I find my thoughts circling back to Xavier again and again. What is he doing? When will he be back? Is he alive?
When the game ends, Emily claims her win, throwing up her hands in a mock victory dance that has us all laughing. Watching Ben, his face crinkled with joy, sends a pang of regret through my heart. This new dynamic is killing me slowly, but given everything that’s transpired, it’s understandable.
“Family photo,” Gloria singsongs.
Sandra, Emily, and Ben pile onto the couch with me. The girls throw their arms over our shoulders and we do the same. Ben’s touch is hesitant as he places his hand on my back.
“Smile, everyone.” Gloria takes several pictures, saying ridiculous things to make us laugh. “Great. Now, everyoneremember that I’ll be up early to get the turkey in the oven. As soon as you wake up, come find me in the kitchen. If you don’t help…”
“You don’t eat,” the rest of us answer in unison.
“That’s right. Goodnight. Love you guys.”
Everyone starts saying goodnight and dispersing to their respective rooms, the girls’ laughter and chatter echoing down the hallway. The living room becomes quiet as the earlier vibrance of the group fades into stillness. Ben rises to his feet, and I can’t hear his footsteps even though I’m watching him walk past me.
Such an assassin.
Before he can escape, I call out to him. He pauses with his back toward me. I catch the stiffening of his posture, the way his shoulders rise with tension.
“Yeah?” he asks.
“Can we talk? Just for a minute.”
He turns to look at me and our gazes collide, his wary and mine hopeful. Whatever he sees on my face sways him. He returns to sit on the opposite end of the couch, the space between us charged with awkwardness and unspoken thoughts.
“You know,” I say, struggling to keep my voice from shaking, “we used to be family. Best friends. You were the most important person in my life. That relationship shouldn’t just disappear.”
He drops his gaze. “It didn’t disappear, Delilah. It changed.”
His use of my name, not the nickname or any other term of endearment, is like a slap in the face. It’s like he refuses to see me as anything other than Xavier’s bride.
“When I realized how I felt about you, everything changed,” he continues. “Then X came into the picture, and I lost you.”
“Me being with Xavier doesn’t change how much I care about you and what you mean to me. I can’t help what I feel and what I don’t. Please don’t punish me for that.”
He lifts his head, giving me an unobstructed view of the turmoil within his eyes. “It’s not just about X. It’s me. Every moment we’re together only reminds me of what I can’t have. It’s killing me.”
I want to reach out and grab his hand or hug him close, but I do neither, afraid that if I touch Ben, it’ll only confuse him more. “Did I…”
