I’ll never admit it, but Xavier was right: my foster brother is in love with me.
Whatever he sees on my face has a flicker of hurt passing over his features. “Ben,” I say, taking his hand in mine and softening my voice, “I care about you, deeply. You’re incredibly important to me and have been since the day we met. But I don’t love you in that way.”
His face hardens slightly, a protective veneer slipping into place. “The way you love X?”
“I don’t love him.”
I’m falling in love with him. It’s a difference, but not one Ben will understand. Sometimes I don’t know if I do either, orif it’s a fine line I’m dancing on to keep from admitting my vulnerability.
His eyes narrow with accusation, his gaze pinning me in place as he searches for the truth in my statement. “I know you care for him, but X isn’t just some college frat boy. He’s been in this game for a long time, and his entire life has been about serving the secret society. He might sacrifice anything, or anyone, for the sake of the Order. Remember that.”
The implication of his words sends a shiver down my spine, but I resist the urge to accept them at face value. “And what about you?” I challenge, my voice steady despite the turmoil brewing inside me. “You’re also a part of this world. By that logic, you’d do the same thing, right?”
Ben’s face hardens, a flicker of hurt flashing through his eyes before he covers it with a resolute expression. “It’s different. I would never give you up, whether or not you were mine. I believe there’s always a choice.”
Hadn’t I said the same thing to Xavier after he threw the knife at me?
“It was the first Trial,” he says. “I had no choice.”
“There’s always a choice.”
“Not one I was willing to make.”
I didn’t understand it at the time, but now I know Xavier was willing to do whatever it took to save my life, even if that meant putting it at risk. Finally, I can clearly see the man behind the mask—My recruit, the man who putmefirst. Not the Order.
“I appreciate your concern, Ben. I really do. But it doesn’t change anything between us.” The words are difficult to say, each one a tiny echo of the pain I see reflected back at me in my brother’s eyes. “Please understand.”
“I do,” he says, though the hurt in his voice betrays the simplicity of this acknowledgment. There’s also a stiffness in hisposture that wasn’t there before, a physical shield going up as he processes my words.
I reach out, lightly touching his arm, and he flinches. It wounds me. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to lead you on or to hurt you. I value what we have—your friendship and your trust. It means the world to me.”
He nods slowly, his eyes not quite meeting mine. “I understand, Delilah, and I appreciate your honesty. Let’s just forget I said anything, okay?” he asks, his voice steady but cool.
I nod, too overwhelmed with emotion to speak. Sorrow mixes with relief. Guilt mixes with finality. I know I did the right thing, but it leaves a bittersweet ache behind. Ben deserves someone who can love him as more than a brother, someone who looks at him as if he’s the only man in the world.
I can only pray that this moment doesn’t ruin our relationship. I don’t know how to live without a part of my family.
Chapter 32
XAVIER
The sharp sting of the needle barely registers as the nurse expertly draws blood from my arm. My mind is elsewhere, focused on the Trials, on Delilah, on everything but the small vial filling with my lifeblood. The chemical smell of the infirmary mingles with the underlying tension that seems to permeate the air. My senses are alert despite the mundane nature of the procedure.
Just as the nurse caps the vial, the door to the lab room swings open with force. I don’t need to look up to know who it is. The atmosphere in the room shifts, and even the nurse’s posture straightens to one of rigid respect.
“Mr. Donovan,” he greets, his voice carrying a mix of reverence and fear that only the council members of the Order can provoke.
My father steps over the threshold, his presence commanding and as cold as the steel of the needle that was just in my arm. The nurse quickly finishes up, labeling the vial and stepping back. With a slight nod from my father, he strides from the room, leaving us in a strained silence.
I press a small bandage onto the puncture site and look up at him, meeting his steely gaze with an expression I hope is as unreadable as his. “Father,” I acknowledge, my voice neutral.
Edward closes the door and steps closer, his eyes scanning me critically before settling on my face. “Xavier,” he starts, his tone clipped, “you understand the importance of keeping the McKenzie heir alive, do you not?”
I glance around the room. “No listening devices present? Or have you become brazen in your quest to undermine the other families behind their backs?”
My father’s mouth thins with disapproval. “The infirmary isn’t being monitored. At least not right now. If you knew how valuable the McKenzie bastard is, why didn’t you stop him from drinking during the Solstice?”
I exhale, aware of the multitude of implications behind his question. “I understand his survival is critical to your plans, but I had no idea what the Order was doing that night. You could’ve warned me.”
