“I’m glad you’re not dead.”
He laughs weakly. The sound makes my chest ache even more. “Me too.”
Xavier steps into the room and shuts the door behind him. When he turns back to face me, he simply opens his arms. I practically throw myself in his embrace.
His spine hits the door as my body collides with his, the impact forcing a grunt from him that morphs into another laugh. I wrap my arms around his torso and bury my face in his chest, inhaling the scent of him. He holds me close, his grip tight enough for me to feel the way his hands are shaking.
“Did he…” Xavier asks, his voice hoarse. He blows out a harsh breath, and his heart beats faster under my ear. “Fuck, I can’t even get the words out. Did my father?—”
I shake my head emphatically. “No.”
“Don’t fucking lie to me. Not about this.”
Pulling back slightly, I look up at him, letting him see the truth in my eyes. “All he did was intimidate me. That’s all, I swear.”
Xavier roams his gaze over my face before he nods. He reaches up to stroke my hair, his fingers gliding through the strands while he stares down at me. “I’m sorry for that.”
Xavier Donovan apologized to me. Another first. I don’t think my heart can take any more surprises.
“Don’t.” I whisper because of the emotion gathering in my throat. “I’m fine, but you’re not.”
“When are you going to realize that I don’t give a fuck about myself? It’s you I’m always worried about.” He strokes the back of my head, softening the harshness of his words.
“I’m not the one who almost died. Don’t make this all about me.”
He tilts my chin up and stares down at me, his expression intense. “Everything is about you because you are everything to me.”
“Xavier...”
“You can tell me not to say it, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”
I don’t know how to respond. Not when my emotions are too strong to articulate. So I don’t try. Instead, I wrap my arms around his neck, stretch up on my tiptoes, and brush my lips against his.
Xavier freezes, his entire body stiff. “Don’t do that again.”
I rear back from the sting of rejection. “Don’t kiss you?”
“Don’t tempt me when I’m unable to finish what you start.” He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back against the door. “I don’t have the strength to fuck you like I want. Like I need. Nor do I have the discipline to keep from hurting you while I do it.”
“But—”
“No.” He shakes his head, his mouth a firm line when he looks at me. “You deserve better.”
We fall silent, the air between us heavy. There’s so much I want to say, questions I need to ask, but not when Xavier looks like he’s about to pass out. Even then, I still have to know one thing.
“Did Ben…”
“No, little raptor. McKenzie is recovering in the infirmary.”
The relief that hits me is like a physical blow, and I sway in Xavier’s arms. He steadies me with a firm grip.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes. But what about you?” I study his face, finding the signs of lingering pain and sickness. “Do you need to see a doctor?
“No, I just needed to see you,” he says. “I had to know that you were safe.”
His words echo the relentless fears that pulsed through me as I watched him, helpless, from the control room. The gravity of what he endured settles heavily on my mind. There’s still one more Trial for him to pass, one more chance for him to die.
