I avert my gaze when heat burns my cheeks. “Thank you. But seriously, where did you get this?”
“The dagger belonged to my father. He received it as a gift to denote his status as a council member within the Order. His father was on the council before him, although family ties don’t guarantee you’ll gain the position. There are only three of them out of the ten founding families. They come into play if the vote amongst the leaders is split down the middle.
“Anyway, the dagger was my father’s prized possession, a physical manifestation of his narcissism. So, I stole it.” Xavier shrugs. “At first it was an act of rebellion, a way to piss him off without getting in trouble. But then it became a symbol of me reclaiming autonomy in my life, even if it was in a minor way that only I knew about.”
I rest my hands in my lap, clutching the dagger until my fingers tremble from my anger. My heart cries out for the little boy that had to navigate these tunnels alone, the one who was tortured, forged in the fires of his father’s relentless training. Only so he could create a younger version of himself for his own nefarious reasons.
“I’m glad you took it from him,” I say. “He can go fuck himself.Hard.”
Xavier bursts out laughing. The sound is infectious, and my outrage melts away, a smile making its way onto my lips. Seeing this man genuinely happy without the burdens he carries, however briefly, never fails to stir my blood.
I’m getting turned on, and I know I shouldn’t. This moment is heartfelt, full of vulnerability and exposed secrets. However, it’s been a while since we’ve had sex, and I crave him. What we did was enjoyable and will erase some of the sexual tension lingering between us, but it’s not the same.
I’ve never felt as connected to someone as I do when Xavier’s inside me. Groaning my name like he’ll die without me. Gripping my flesh as though he’s scared to lose me. In my mind, what happens between us is more than just sex.
I hope he feels the same.
“Why are you giving this to me?” I ask, briefly lifting the dagger.
“It has nothing to do with my reasons for stealing it. You said you wanted something that is a reflection of what you mean to me. Delilah, you’re my reason for living. I’m giving you this weapon to protect yourself because I can’t live without you.”
He pauses, his forehead wrinkling in the most attractive way as his thoughts cross his features. Meanwhile, I stare up at him, my pulse thundering underneath my skin at his honesty. He’s taken another piece of my heart like a souvenir.
“I’ve been trying to figure out the intangible things you want,” he says. “I finally realized you want to feel safe, so I’m giving you this dagger as a way to give you the security you need. Although I’ll always do everything within my power to keep you alive, there’s a part of you that relies on yourself more than me. I’m simply providing the means for your self-defense.”
Tears fill my eyes and blink them away to keep them from falling. Xavier traces the curve of my cheek, slides his fingers down my throat before wrapping them around the back of my neck.
“I know what it’s like not to feel safe, to feel like you have no control over your life. I never want you to feel that way again.You can see this weapon as a way to achieve that, as well as a promise that I will always protect you.”
“Xavier, I…” The depth of my gratitude and admiration for him is impossible to express. I’ve never had someoneseeme the way he has. It’s unnerving yet exhilarating to connect with someone on such a deep level.
“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice cracking. I sniff indelicately and take a deep breath to keep my emotions from turning me into a sobbing mess. It’d be happy tears, but I’m an ugly crier, and I have no desire to show Xavier that. “I don’t know what else to say.”
“Then say you’ll keep it.” He grips my upper arms and guides me up onto my knees, his thighs on either side of me, giving support. “Say that you won’t refuse this gift like the last one.”
“Of course, I’ll keep it. This is different.”
His gaze bores into mine as if he’s looking for confirmation. There’s an intensity there that turns his eyes from gray to silver, the hue shimming with his unspoken thoughts. After a tension-filled moment, he releases a breath, and his grip on my arms softens.
“Good,” he says, his voice threaded with relief. “If you didn’t take this gift, I was seriously going to buy you a giraffe next.”
Chapter 16
DELILAH
As Raven and I walk along the gravel path, the warmth of the sun soaks into my skin and the scent of autumn fills the air, crisp and inviting. The trees throughout campus boast throngs of leaves that are a collection of vibrant reds, oranges, yellows, and greens.
While listening to my friend, I run my fingertips along the leaves of a bush, the texture soft and velvety. She chatters away, her voice full of excitement as she regales me with the story of her latest conquest of the male variety.
“The best part about dating an older man is that they know what they’re doing. I won’t have any complaints. That’s for sure.”
“Understood,” I say.
“And when he smacks— Oh shit, I shouldn’t tell you that part.” She winks at me. “Don’t want to scare off the vanilla folk.”
I frown. “What are you talking about?”
“My sweet summer child, you know nothing.” She shakes her head as though I’m a puppy or a lost cause. “It’s a term that refers to the vanilla people, the ones who prefer normal sex. As opposed to those of us who like kink.”
