“You don’t know what I’ve done. The number of people I killed.” As if reading my mind, he says, “The feathers on my back are my official kill count, not myactualtotal. The Order doesn’t care about the target’s security guards or anyone else who gets in the way of completing the objective.”
His revelation, stark and unnerving, cuts through the atmosphere like the knife he expertly wields. Each of his tattooed feathers not only represents death but a chilling picture of the Order’s disregard for the sanctity of life. The world Xavier was born into is full of ruthless decisions and mandatory evil.
“Were they innocent?” I ask. “The people you killed, did they deserve it?”
He gazes down at me, his eyes a tumultuous sea of emotions, battling with the fear of rejection and the hope for absolution. Maybe something else, something lost in the depths of his humanity.
“Does it matter?”
“Yes,” I say. “I would’ve killed Frank if you hadn’t. It was only a matter of time. For fuck’s sake, I tried to kill you too. I might feel guilty about that now, but not then. I would’ve donewhatever I needed to protect myself and my foster siblings. Would you judge me for that?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t care who you kill, as long as it means you’ll survive.”
“That’s generous,” I mutter.
“I’m serious, Delilah.”
I sigh. “I know. Listen, as your bride, I’m already part of the Order. Let me in. Not just into the parts of your life that you want me to see, but the dark corners, the deep places that haunt you at night. If you’re willing to accept my demons, I’ll do the same for you. We’re going to have to trust each other.”
He briefly closes his eyes, his expression pained. “Okay.”
“That’s it?” I ask, repeating his words from earlier.
He grins down at me. “I can’t explain what I’ve never experienced.”
“Stop teasing me. You’ve had to learn to trust someone by now.”
Until recently, I’ve always had Ben as my confidant, my protector, and my family. I can’t imagine not having anyone. Has Xavier been denied this type of relationship?
“I trust Declan with my life,” he says, “but this isn’t the same.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not trusting him with the power to ruin me.”
“I don’t want that,” I say.
He runs his thumb over the seam of my mouth, then the curve of my cheek. “It doesn’t matter. You have it anyway.”
I want to smile, to bask in the significance of this, but I can’t. His father’s words drift along my psych like a clawed hand, ripping my happiness to shreds.
“Let there be no misconceptions. A bride will never be a crow’s wife.”
I might have Xavier, but the Order will never let him have me.
Chapter 12
XAVIER
It’s been two weeks since I was coerced to stab Delilah, but the guilt from her suffering still bothers me as much as it did the night it happened. I thought the emotion would wane in time, and it simply hasn’t. If anything, it’s gotten worse.
Gifting her something was to be part of my atonement, but she’s refused everything that doesn’t involve her academics. This has forced me to bring her to the dungeons. A place that has the ability to both chain me to my nightmares and offer me refuge.
I smirk at Delilah. “I bet you wish you’d taken that golf cart now, huh?”
She glares up at me, sweat dampening the hair above her forehead. “Shut—and I can’t express this enough—the fuck up.”
“You’re sexy when you’re pissed.”
