“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” Xavier murmurs into my hair, his voice soothing. He strokes my back, a rhythmic comfort that gradually breaks through my melancholy. Held in his arms and surrounded by his warmth, the intensity of my sobs begins to lessen.
“I can’t believe Ben is gone,” I manage to say between shallow breaths, my voice muffled against Xavier’s chest. “It feels like there’s this hole inside me that just keeps getting bigger.”
Xavier tightens his hold slightly, his chin resting on top of my head. “There are things you don’t know. Things I have to tell you, but I waited so I wouldn’t put everyone in danger,” he says, his voice barely audible even though he’s next to me. “But now, I think it’s more detrimentalnotto tell you.”
He takes a deep breath, and I go completely still. “McKenzie isn’t dead,” he says, his voice less than a whisper. “I needed everyone to think he was to save his life and to protect Declan and June.”
I pull back from Xavier and stare at him, my mouth hanging open. “You faked his death?”
He slaps a hand over my lips. “I lied about it. I had no choice.” He pauses, his gaze darting back and forth. “We can’t talk about this here. I’ll explain everything when you’re discharged and in my safe house.”
“You gave me aliteralheart attack,” I hiss under my breath, my voice muffled by his palm. I shove his hand away from my face. “How could you do that to me?”
I lean back to slap him. It’s a good, satisfying hit that makes a nicethwackand stings my hand.
He doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t even blink or show any type of reaction. It’s as if I had done nothing.
“That was deserved, but it’ll be the last time you hit me,” Xavier says. “The next time, you’ll get fucked.”
I don’t respond. There’s nothing to say, not when he’s dead serious. Instead, I sit there in stunned silence, absorbing the information that a friend, one I thought I had lost forever, isn’t dead. The implications sink in and take root in the deepest part of me. Ben’s alive. A wave of joy washes over me, removing all the anger and pain.
I begin to sob again, but this time, they’re tears of relief and happiness. Xavier pulls me close, and I bury my face into his chest, feeling his warmth and his strength supporting me.
He kisses the top of my head, his lips lingering there. “I hope I haven’t killed all of us.”
I tilt my head to look up at him, tracing the faint lines around his eyes, a testament to the sleepless nights he’s spent by my side. “You look like you could use a cigarette. Or maybe even something stronger. God knows I’d love a drink.”
He gives me a wry smile, a ghost of his usual smirk. “I quit smoking for you. With the surgery and everything, I can’t allow anything to compromise your recovery. Not even my bad habits.”
I blink at him. “Wow. That’s… really thoughtful.”
“Anything to keep you healthy. Get some rest,” he says.
“You should too. You’re exhausted.”
He shrugs. “I think I’ve memorized every tile on the ceiling while you’ve slept.”
“Why don’t you take a nap since I’m awake.” When he shoots me a look of exasperation, I trail my fingers along his jaw to soothe him. “I promise I’ll scream if anyone suspicious comes in here.”
A knock on the door has Xavier inching his hand toward the firearm resting on his hip, hidden underneath his clothing. A nurse enters, her smile friendly but professional as she walks up to the machines I’m hooked up to. Xavier watches the woman as if she’s about to disconnect me from life support.
“Everything looks good,” she says after jotting down some notes on my chart. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m hanging in there.”
She smiles in encouragement. “Once your condition stabilizes in a couple days, you’ll be moved from the ICU to a less intensive ward designed for patients who are recovering but stillrequire monitoring. So just keep resting, and you’ll be back to all of your normal activities in no time.”
Once she’s gone, with the door shut behind her, Xavier visibly relaxes. I have no idea what’s going on or why he felt the need to take such extreme measures and lie about Ben’s death, but whatever’s happening, along with his constant vigilance, is wearing him down.
“I wish there was something I could do to help you,” I say, running my fingers through Xavier’s hair. He sighs and closes his eyes, leaning into my touch.
“All I need is for you to get better. Nothing else.”
“What about Ben?”
He jerks back, his gaze narrowed. “Don’t say his name. It’s too risky.”
“But I thought we were safe here?”
