I don’t realize I’ve spoken my thoughts out loud until June says, “X hasn’t abandoned you, sweety. He’s trying to make sure you’re all right.”
“How?” I whisper, not bothering to hide the panic in my voice. “How is he making sure?”
“The doctors said you need a new heart. He’s...” she pauses, her expression troubled. “He’s doing what needs to be done.”
Her words are cryptic, but there’s a thread of fear in them that chills me to the bone.
“What do you mean? What the fuck is he doing?”
“He’s finding you a donor.”
I freeze, my heart hammering in my chest. “How? How is he finding a donor?”
“Declan gave him a list of names, and...”
I close my eyes, my mind reeling. Xavier is doing everything he can to save me, to make sure I survive. But there’s something dark and dangerous in his desperation, something that has a sliver of doubt worming its way into my thoughts. This is beyond unethical. It’s unfathomable and reprehensible.
“Delilah,” June says softly, pulling me out of my darkening thoughts. “Please, you have to relax. This stress isn’t good for your heart.”
I open my eyes and meet her gaze, taking in the pain and worry etched on her face. She cares about me, I know she does, but it’s not enough right now. Not when Xavier is killing innocent people to save me.
“I won’t let him do this.”
“You can’t tell Xavier Donovan what he can and can’t do. Especially when it comes to you.”
I know June is right, but that doesn’t stop frustration from boiling up inside me. “This isn’t right. Killing innocent people to save my life?”
“What if they’re not innocent?”
I pause, and then shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not his choice to make.”
June looks away, her expression pensive. “Would you kill someone to save him?”
“That’s different. He’s not the one dying.”
“But what if he was? What if the only way to save him was to take another life?”
I swallow, the weight of the question settling on my chest like a ton of bricks. The truth is, I would. Without hesitation. I’d do anything to keep him alive.
But that doesn’t make what he’s doing okay.
“It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want him to kill anyone,” I say.
“For the people we love, sometimes we have to do things that are unspeakable.”
The room falls into a heavy silence after June’s words, my thoughts spinning as I try to piece together fragments of a situation that feels increasingly out of my control. Every minute that ticks is like a hand pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
When the door opens and Xavier walks in, my internal turmoil heightens. Relief floods me at the sight of him, but it’s quickly tempered by the tightness of his expression and the weariness in his eyes. Then there’s his usual calm demeanor edged with something darker. Something grim.
“Xavier,” I breathe, my voice airy and weak.
He walks over quickly, his steps purposeful. “You’re awake,” he replies, his voice thick with emotion as he takes my hand gently. “How are you feeling?”
I look down at his fingers as they tenderly hold mine, searching for remnants of blood. Even if he washed his hands, they’re still covered in the blood of the innocent, and it makes my stomach knot.
Before I can respond to Xavier, June gets to her feet, her usual composure replaced by an uneasy tension. She avoids looking directly at him, her gaze flickering around the room as if seeking an escape route. I can’t blame her, not when I think about what he was recently doing.
Xavier turns slightly, his eyes meeting June’s with a look that I can’t quite read. “Thank you for staying with her,” he says, his tone polite but cool.
