I jerk back my hand as if he burned me. “Oh.”
Ben reaches for me, grabbing my arms, keeping me still. His gaze searches mine, pleading for understanding. Something I don't know if I can give.
His grip tightens slightly, his fingers pressing into my skin with a mix of urgency and desperation. “That’s not how I see you. You’re the most important person in my life, Lilah.”
He releases one of my arms to brush a stray lock of hair from my face, his touch gentle yet heavy with unspoken remorse. I wait for his touch to ignite the spark Xavier’s does. It doesn’t come. I’m not willing to admit that he was right about Ben’s feelings toward me, but I know for certain that I don’t reciprocate them.
“I know and I care about you too,” I say. “You’re my family.”
I step back with a small smile, my stomach twisting at the hurt expression that flits across Ben’s face. He lets his arms fall to his sides, a sigh of defeat leaving his chest.
“Family,” he repeats in a whisper.
“The Order is wrong. If anything happens to me, I know you’ll miss me.”
“Don’t say that!” His voice echoes in the air, ricocheting off the trees. “I won’t let anything happen to you, before or after your contract is up.”
I shrug with a nonchalance I don’t feel. “I’m sure everything will be fine.”
He gazes at me like I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have. Finding out that there’s a group of killers running around on campus kind of fucks with your brain. Especially when one of the recruits eats out your pussy like it’s his last meal.
Fucking Xavier.
Chapter 40
DELILAH
Ben clears his throat, and the noise pulls me out of my dirty thoughts. My cheeks flush, and I duck my head, hoping he doesn’t notice.
“I’ve been trained to fight since the first day I got here,” he says. There’s a hint of pride mixed in with something darker in his voice. “For the last three years, I’ve learned about poisons, weapons, and anything else required to carry out a summons. They’ve turned me into a soldier, but I’ll use my skills to protect you. I just have to make it through the Trials.”
“You will.”
He nods, his gaze reflecting the uncertainty coursing through me. “I’m going to, or die trying. It’s a series of tests, designed to prove that I’m capable of whatever the Order tells me to do. They’re not easy. Some people don’t make it through.”
“If it’s dangerous, why are you doing this?”
“I wasn’t given a choice,” he says. “The Order sees it as my duty to serve my bloodline and the organization that’s been around for centuries. It’s bigger than me, and I’m powerless to stop it.”
“What happens when you pass Trials? Will they ease up on you?”
“I’ll be fully inducted. I’ll go from being a recruit to a crow, expected to carry out missions while running my family’s tech empire.”
I scrunch my face. “A crow?”
“A group of crows is called a ‘murder.’ It works for a league of assassins. Don’t you think?” He smiles at me.
My laughter is high-pitched, bordering on hysterical. “I can’t argue with that.”
“There’s more to it. The bird has always been synonymous with death, but it’s also one of the most intelligent and highly territorial. I guess whoever came up with the symbol hundreds of years ago had a poetic side.” He shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve earned my wings.”
I make a face. “What does that mean?”
He grins at me. “You’ll find out during the Crow’s Covenant tomorrow night. It’s one of the few events the brides are allowed to attend.”
“Xavier will be back by then,” I say, recalling how his father said so. I didn’t get it at the time, but now that I do, I find that morbid curiosity rising in me like it always does.
Ben makes a noncommittal noise. “Yeah, X.”
