Her gasp fills the quiet and she brings a hand to her mouth while using the other to hurriedly wipe her face. “What are you doing here?” Her throat is still thick with emotion and her words come out unsteadily.
“Why are you crying?” I counter.
“It’s nothing.”
“Lying again, are we?”
I crouch, putting myself eye-level with her, and set down my firearm in order to remove the hand from her face. Carina briefly glances at the weapon. “Don’t even fucking think about shooting me,” I say.
Her gaze zips back to mine and she shakes her head fervently. The flicker of guilt that’s reflected in her eyes tells me differently. But now is not the time for that discussion. I’m interested in her secrets.
I brush back a tendril of hair that’s plastered to her damp cheek and she watches me but doesn’t pull away. If she had, I’d suspect her tears had something to do with me.
“I’m not going to ask you again,” I say. “Why are you in here crying?”
She opens her mouth and then clamps her lips. Irritation spreads within me at her stubbornness, even if I understand her reluctance to share her innermost thoughts. Giving a near-stranger a look into your soul isn’t something I’d be willing to do.
But Carina came to me specifically with her problem, so she must trust me on some level.
My exhale is long and loud in the near silence. “Look, I know you’re used to people doing what you want, whether that’s having someone select your clothing or you ordering them to leave and they follow your instructions. But I’m also used to people doing what I want.”
I lean forward, encroaching on her personal space, and she rears back until her head hits the wall. Then I snake my hand under Carina’s hair to grip the back of her neck, so I can pull her to me. Her eyes widen enough to catch the moonlight in the mirror’s reflection and her lips part on a silent gasp.
“And what I want is for you to tell me everything.” I drop my voice to nearly a whisper and force her even closer, until the tip of her nose brushes mine. “And if you don’t, I’ll have no problem using whatever means necessary to get the truth from you.”
She takes a breath and I squeeze the nape of her neck. “Don’t lie to me,” I warn.
“After the enforcer killed Federico, he pointed his gun at me.” Carina closes her eyes as though in pain or recalling the event. Perhaps both. “I shot him because I knew he’d kill me without a second thought, whether I was innocent or not.”
“I’m aware of this. What else?”
Her eyelids slowly lift to reveal fresh tears in her eyes. “I’m a killer, Rafael. A murderer. I shouldn’t care and I’m angry with myself because I do. I see the world in vivid color, with a striking clarity that most don’t, and all I can visualize is this horrific thing I’ve done. It’s like a roll of film that develops everyday, revealing more images I can’t unsee. Not to mention when he—”
She inhales sharply and mumbles something about being finished. I disregard her lie, adding it to the ever-growing list. She tells them to throw me off-track and to shield herself, which is understandable. Eventually, Carina will realize that I’ll protect her from everyone else.
Except myself.
I remove my hold on her neck to slip my hands across her back and under her thighs. Then I lift her into my arms and stride to the bed before she can protest. I’m not in the right frame of mind to hear her refusal. There’s still a tightness in my chest, the one that appeared when I couldn’t find her, and it hasn’t completely loosened.
She surprises me by laying her head on my shoulder. I chalk it up to her being exhausted, not because she’s actually seeking comfort from me. I can’t imagine her doing that.
After situating myself on the bed, I promptly set her on my lap. Carina’s shock keeps her immobilized long enough for me to secure her against my torso, her hip snug against my groin and her head resting just under my jaw. With my arms caging her in there’s no way she can break free, but that’s the point.
I rub the small of her back and once her body relaxes somewhat, I break the silence. “I want you to hear me and every word I say. Are you listening?” She nods and the top of her head bumps my chin. “You defended yourself. The was no murder done on your part. Protecting yourself should never induce guilt or self-loathing. If anyone’s a murderer, it’s that dead motherfucker. You’re not innocent by any means, but he didn’t know that. I can tell you he certainly would’ve killed you, and only after making you suffer.”
Whether it’s because of what I said, or the way I said it, Carina’s entire body goes taut. I run my fingers through the strands of her hair and lightly massage her scalp while keeping her securely in place with my other arm. Eventually she goes pliant in my embrace.
“You’re safe and no one will hurt you with me here,” I say. “I promise you that.”
“What am I going to do?” Her warm breath floats over my bare skin, an unintended caress. “My father could help me, but without getting in his good graces I’ll remain defenseless. And I’m pretty sure he’s still upset about my ruining his attempt to marry me off. At this point, being engaged to you might not be enough. I’m going to be killed before I—”
“Before what?”
Carina pauses for a moment. “Before I can find a way out of this mess.”
I take hold of her chin and lift it. “You’re not alone in this.”
“You’re only saying that because I’m going to give you dirt on my father and possibly Caruso.”
