I’m doing it.
I blow out the candles and turn off the stovetop. The internet says to let mulled wine cool before you store it so I guess I’ll just deal with it in the morning. I keep the Christmas tree lights on as I turn off the light above the stove. When I leave my bedroom door open, I can see their glow from down my hallway.
I do my entire skin care routine, because that feels like something you should do before the start of a new year. I set my journal out. I put on my fox Robin Hood T-shirt, the one with the stretched-out shoulders, and slip beneath the fluffy duvet. The city is glaringly bright outside my window, but I don’t close the curtains. I want to see it all.
There’s a party in an apartment nearby, maybe the floor above or below. The bass thumps a steady heartbeat, one that would normally annoy me enough to keep me awake. I kind of like it now; it’s like being part of the party without beingatthe party.
Party-adjacent.
I check the time on my phone. 11:28 p.m.
I helped Bea set up earlier today, setting out New Year’s Eve headbands with the year as the eyeholes and hanging silver streamers off her staircase. She invited folks from her work and a bunch of Meriah’s friends. It’s probably so loud there right now.
I open our text thread, fingers hovering over the keys, to ask her for a pic. But I think she’d know what I’m really asking for. And she’d tell me to just text him for the pic instead. So, I do.
Well, I don’t texthim. I text our thread.
FINN COLLINS, DECEMBER 31, 2025
11:31 p.m.: Nora: Happy New Year’s, Finn
11:32 p.m.: Nora: I hope you’re having the best night
11:35 p.m.: Nora: I want you to know that the first time I kissed you, it was better than fireworks
11:37 p.m.: Nora: I know that doesn’t make any sense
11:38 p.m.: Nora: it was amazing ok? I think ever since then I knew you were always going to be my New Year’s Eve kiss, like I knew it before I knew it. And now you’re not and I just wish I got to have one more. One more kiss, one more New Year’s
11:40 p.m.: Nora: kissing you is a great way to start the new year, Finn
11:41 p.m.: Finn: Nora
11:42 p.m.: Nora: omg
11:42 p.m.: Nora: Finn?
11:43 p.m.: Finn: where are you?
11:43 p.m.: Finn: you better not be in fucking Germany right now
11:44 p.m.: Nora: I’m at home! I’m in bed!
11:44 p.m.: Nora: I’m not in Germany
11:45 p.m.: Finn: STAY THERE
11:46 p.m.: Finn: I’m coming STAY THERE
11:47 p.m.: Nora: You’re coming here???
11:49 p.m.: Nora: FINN???
11:52 p.m.: Nora: I’m staying here
11:53 p.m.: Nora: Roy Orbison
I welcome the New Year in bed, alone, listening to my neighbors cheer. I keep my phone clutched in my hand, sometimes I open the text thread, but he hasn’t sent any new messages.
