Emily orders a pork belly sandwich. I choose something but forget what it is before Amy’s even left the table. A different server drops off our waters and yet another server drops off our food. Emily does most of the talking while internally I put out all the fires in my brain: whether Emily will believe Amy’s lie, whether I’ve just created tension between Wesley and his sister, and still the fact that Wesley called me hisgirlfriendearlier.
What I want most is to talk to my mom about all this. To tell her how I’ve put my foot in my mouth with Wesley’s sister. To worry with her over how my lies will affect my relationship with Emily—or more important, my and Wesley’s jobs. I want to tell her the little thrill I got from hearing him say the wordgirlfriend. To be claimed by someone as kind and as good as him. I want her to help me figure out how I can tell him that no matter how much I want that, it’s not something we can ever have. I want to cry with her over the disappointment that realization makes me feel.
But the idea of telling my mother even an inkling about what I’ve done fills me with a shame so heavy, I have to put my sandwich down.
She is sick. She is suffering. She is coming face-to-face with her mortality.
And I can’t even keep my hands off my intern. I can’t burden her with this; she doesn’t deserve that. And I certainly don’t want to think about the judgement I might see in her face.
“Did you hear what I said?” Emily asks.
“Sorry? What?”
The restaurant has cleared out around us. Amy stands behind the coffee bar, diligently scrubbing at the chrome parts of the coffee machine.
“I said...” Emily’s voice is thin. She sounds frustrated with me. “That you know you can tell me anything, Corrine. Right? You can tell me anything that is going on with you and I willneverjudge you for it. If it was something that had to do with your job, maybe...” She bites her lip. “A coworker or...even an intern?”
She looks at me imploringly. I lean my whole body away from her, trying to escape the reality that sheknows. She knows about Wes and me.
“You can tell me and I won’t do anything to hurt you...or anyone else. I just want to help.”
My fingers close around the half-empty glass of water. I drink it down, hoping to get some moisture into my husk of a body.
“No,” I croak. “No, I... Emily, I...” The words are there, lining up on my tongue, ready to march out to meet her. If I can’t tell my mother, I could tell Emily. I could tell my friend.
But Sean’s voice rises like mist from the back of my mind before I say a word. His voice telling people we were sleeping together, his cruel laughter. None of it was true, of course. But if I admit to this, aren’t I making it true? Doesn’t it all become true? Every rumor is confirmed. Every terrible name justified.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.
Emily watches me, her eyes moving over my face like she can see every lie there. She doesn’t look mad or even disappointed. She seems sad. “Okay. I just have to run to the bathroom.”
At some point, someone had dropped off the bill on a small china plate, a saucer with gold leaf detailing. I put some cash down, get up from the table, and approach the coffee bar.
“Amy.” I lean against the counter. “I’m really sorry about what I said earlier. About Wesley not mentioning it. It’s not that he didn’t care. Wesley did mention you were opening a restaurant. He just didn’t say it wasthisrestaurant. It’s lovely, by the way.” I feel like Wesley right now, rambling. “He probably would have mentioned it more but I’ve been working him so hard and—”
Amy snorts and turns to face me, a damp rag clutched in her hand. “Yes, I think you have been.”
I blush at the frank words. “Sorry, I didn’t mean...”
“It’s fine.”
Amy leans her hip against the other side of the counter, frowning. She sighs. “Listen, I was kind of a bitch to you when we first met and clearly this didn’t go very well either. Why don’t we just...” She shrugs. “Start over.”
I nod, closing my eyes in relief. “I’d like that.”
She smiles, but it’s closed-lipped. Nothing like the smile she shares with her brother.
“You have a really wonderful place here, Amy.” I gesture to the restaurant. “The atmosphere is fantastic and the food was delicious.” To be honest, I don’t remember what I ate or how it tasted but it was gone by the time a server came to collect my plate. I silently promise her I will pay more attention next time I eat here.
“Thanks.” She sighs as she follows my gaze around the space. “We’re doing our grand opening next week. We’re opening up for dinner service and launching a new cocktail menu. Wes will be here. Why don’t you come? Bring your friend?”
I grab onto her olive branch like I am drowning and it will save me from cold waters.
“I’d really like that, Amy. Thank you.”
Chapter 35: Wesley
Everyone who lives on Corrine’s floor has come home. Everyone but Corrine. I couldn’t go home after she kicked me out of the office. I sat in a park. Then it started to rain, so I sat in a Starbucks and listened to everyone’s normal, uncomplicated coffee orders. When five o’clock rolled around, I came to Corrine’s apartment because I knew I needed to apologize. That was two hours ago.
