He snaps his fingers and I realize, he’s waiting for me to take the lead on this.
But I don’t know what to do. None of this is normal for me.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to perform,” I practically yell at him.
“Whoa.” He shakes his head, smiling.
I wring my hands together. What the hell am I doing? This will end horribly.
“Do you think I came here with you because I had to?” he asks, scratching his temple. “I mean, I guess that could be kind of a kinky role-play thing...”
“Wesley.” My eyes feel huge in my face. My mouth a flat line. “This is serious.”
I press my palms to my cheeks to cool them. “I feel like I’m going crazy. I know I shouldn’t want this but I can’t...”
I reach out, but I don’t touch him. And I don’t want to make him feel like he has to touch me. No matter what happens right now, I’ll always be his boss again come Monday morning. I place my fists at the base of my throat, tucking them under my chin to keep them from straying too close to him. “We need to discuss this. Now.”
He nods. “You’re right.” He points to one side of my kitchen island. “You stand there.” He parks himself on the other side.
“What are you doing?” I ask, skeptical.
“We work together.” He shrugs. “Maybe it’s not such a bad idea to treat this like...business.”
Slowly, I nod, taking my assigned spot across from him. He leans his elbows on the counter, his long body bent and his legs stretched out behind him. I fold one hand over the other.
“We need to set some rules, Wesley, for how we approach a personal and professional relationship.” As the words flow, my shoulders loosen. This is like a contract negotiation, and those I can handle with my eyes closed.
The wanting is still there, a low-level throb beneath my skin that keeps me warm and wet. But I can set it aside for now, for the good of us both.
“I think it’s fair to say that after the team practice and then this past Friday, we’re having difficulty keeping our...” I search for the most delicate phrasing.
“Hands off each other?” he supplies.
I nod. “I also acknowledge that I misjudged you in the past and have discovered that the person you truly are is a person that I...” I clear my throat.
“Like to kiss?”
I sigh, giving him a stern look.
He lifts his chin for me to continue. His dimple peeks out from his cheek.
“As I was saying, we need ground rules for our personal and professional relationships to coexist. I want you to know that I acknowledge that I have a lot of power over you in our professional relationship. I promise to never hold something that happens in our personal life against you at work. Even if that something is that you no longer want to continue this...” I point between us. “We need to promise to be honest with each other and most importantly...”
I swallow. The words taste sour but they need to be said.
“We can’t tell anyone about this, Wesley.” I want to reach across the countertop to take his hand in mine. “If anyone were to find out, they would questionallof the work you’ve done at Hill City. They would question the work we did together and we would both be fired. Is there anything you’d like to add to our...negotiations?”
I study him but for once Wesley is a vault. “What are you thinking?” I whisper.
“I’m trying to come up with another stipulation, but I’m blanking.”
Now I do reach across for his hand. He slides his palm to mine, his skin warm against the cold counter.
“The most important thing to me is that you are comfortable. That you are coming to this with...” I shake my head. “Fuckingenthusiasticconsent. I’ve been in uncomfortable workplace situations before.” I don’t bother going into detail about what’s been happening with Richard. It’s too embarrassing. “I never want this—” I squeeze his hand “—to be uncomfortable for you.”
He squeezes back. “Thank you. I appreciate that and I promise you—” a slow grin spreads across his face “—I don’t feel that way. And... I want you to feel comfortable, too. Ifyouever want to end this, I don’t want you to be afraid to.”
I smile and make a silent promise: I’ll check in. With him and myself. I never want to be the Richard in this situation. Pushing myself on him when the feelings aren’t reciprocated.
