Janie’s ears rang. “My kids start school in a few weeks.”
“We’ll be back by then,” Chloe said.
“They’ll hate being away from all this.” Janie gestured at the beach, the boardwalk, the sky.
But Chloe shrugged. “Nantucket is paradise, in case you forgot.”
Janie knew Chloe was right about that, that for years she and Alexander had craved to show their children the island where they’d met all those years ago, to take them sailing on Atlantic surf and show them their favorite lobster shack, ice creamery, and diner. When the kids had been really young, she’dyearned to fly them to Nantucket, dress them all in white, and take beautiful family photographs. She’d even toyed with asking Alexander to buy a property on Nantucket, one that would allow them to acknowledge Alexander’s family history without owning the horror of the past. But eventually, Alexander had said it was too difficult for him, emotionally speaking, and they’d stopped talking about it.
Chloe squeezed Janie’s hand. “Come on,” she said. “How about an adventure?”
Two days later, Chloe, Janie, Xander, Conor, and Gwen were on an airplane from Los Angeles to Boston, Massachusetts. Janie had decided to buy tickets from an airline that Alexander wasn’t associated with so as not to put herself at the mercy of other people’s questions. Alexander’s legal and professional problems were Alexander’s legal and professional problems. But she knew that because she was his legal wife, they were hers, too.
She tried not to think about it, not from thirty thousand feet in the air, where she chatted with Chloe about a new skincare brand they wanted to try, trying to forget where they were headed. Behind them, her kids were cackling, eating chips a little too loudly, and watching movies silently on their iPads. When the conversation with Chloe lapsed, Janie turned around, looked at her children, and asked if they were okay.
“We’re fine, Mom,” Gwen said, vaguely irritated as she popped her earbud out of her ear and then returned it just as fast.
At the Boston airport, they waited a few minutes for the rental cars they’d reserved: one for Chloe and one for Janie. Once they reached the island, Janie planned to rent anadditional vehicle for Xander. The plan was to be in Nantucket for the next three weeks, until school started, and she didn’t want her children to feel stranded at home. She wanted them to feel free and able to roam the island. In her opinion, there was nowhere safer on earth.
Well, sort of. If you didn’t think too hard about the nineties. Ha.
They reached the ferry at Hyannis Port at seven that evening. After they boarded, the kids scrambled to the top deck, where Xander purchased a soda and a Snickers and shared his snacks with his siblings. Janie watched, always eagle-eyed when it came to her children, until Chloe nudged her and pointed. “There it is.”
The sight of the island after so many years took Janie’s breath away. She squeezed Chloe’s hand, remembering the first time she’d seen Nantucket. All she’d had was a backpack, stuffed with dresses and skirts and tubes of lipstick. She’d strolled through the Historic District for the better part of an hour, inquiring vaguely for gigs, before she’d been offered her first job at the fish restaurant.
“I must have met you on my first day,” she said to Chloe, elbowing her. “Everyone was so mean to me, you remember. They hated that I was stealing their shifts.”
“Which was crazy, because nobody wanted to work.” Chloe giggled. “I remember being really intimidated by you, though.”
“What are you talking about?” Janie was taken aback.
“I mean, you were so much younger than me,” Chloe said. “And I felt like an exposed nerve, being back on the island after so many years away. I wasn’t sure what I was doing here.” She took a breath, and the wind swept up from the ocean and blew all her hair back. “I still don’t really know what I’m doing here! But we’re back.”
Janie laughed, surprised at how euphoric she felt. They were back!
When the ferry rumbled to a stop and set down its ramp, the five of them hurried back to their cars and prepared to drive to the rental house. There had been a last-minute cancellation on a gorgeous three-story beach house about a mile and a half down the beach from the White Oak Lodge, and Janie and Chloe had sprung for it.
Gwen entered the beach house's address into her GPS, and Janie listened to the instructions as she drove slowly from the port and out toward Siasconset. It felt as if every sun-drenched corner was filled with memories. It was painful. She squeezed the steering wheel and tried to focus on her children, who were laughing excitedly and talking about what they wanted to do first. She’d promised a delicious meal tonight.
“This is where you and Dad met?” Gwen asked. Her voice was curious and in no way manipulative, but it still hurt to hear.
“We did,” Janie said, trying to appear strong. “We were so young.”
She was glad that her children left it at that.
Privately, she wondered if somehow, some way, Alexander knew she was in Nantucket. She questioned if he could sense that she’d brought his children back here—to the place that continued to haunt them both.
The beach house was even better than the pictures. Janie and Chloe roamed the sunny living room, the back veranda that cut up against the white sandy beach, the kitchen with its marble countertops, the living room with its massive couches and television, and the dining room with its twelve-person table, laughing to one another. The kids were already upstairs, deciding which room belonged to whom.
“I can’t believe we stayed in that Venice hotel for so long.” Janie winced. “It’s like I panicked and froze there. It wasn’t fair to them.”
“Kids are resilient,” Chloe reminded her. “You’ve been there for them every step of the way. That’s what matters.”
Upstairs, Janie and Chloe chose their own bedrooms and agreed to take the kids out for food at seven. The kids put on their swimsuits and sped to the water, hollering, while Janie sank onto the mattress and stared at the ceiling. A vague part of her considered calling Alexander and telling him. What would he say?
The following morning, the kids slept in after a monstrously large seafood dinner, too much television, and candy. Janie decided to think of it all like a vacation. She sat on the veranda with a cup of coffee, gazing out at the water, surprised by how calm her soul felt. Out in Los Angeles, the traffic, the scene, and the vibrant “new” feeling of everything were often overwhelming. It wasn’t like that out East.
Why had they decided on Los Angeles? She couldn’t remember anymore. It surely had something to do with Alexander’s career, Alexander’s dreams to become a pilot, and then a better pilot for a better airline, a better pilot with more and more accolades.
