I switch it off and stare at the blank screen.
It’s official. I’m not getting married within the week. And I don’t have the guts to break the news to anyone.
Every day I don’t call off the wedding, it’s going to get harder to do so. And I’ll be giving less notice that it’s off.
So, what are you going to do?
M-a-y-b-e… I could consider Brody’s proposal?
The thought makes my stomach twist. I freeze, my heart pounding so hard it drowns out reason. Am I seriously entertaining this? Have I completely lost it? But then again, can I really afford not to? I’m out of options. Completely cornered.
It sounds absurd, but the date is set. The invitations have gone out. Everyone’s expecting a wedding.My wedding. And if I don’t go through with it, I don’t even know who I am anymore.
So much of my pride and sense of control is tied to walking down that aisle, it makes me dizzy to think it might not happen.
It feels vital to my happiness, my identity, my very life, that I get married on the date and time everyone’s expecting.
What if I go to the wedding and act surprised when Keith doesn't show up?
No! That's worse. The thought of standing there, all eyes on me, whispers spreading through the crowd, is unbearable. I need a bridegroom.Anybridegroom would be better than no bridegroom.
And how do I explain that I’m not marrying that loser ex of mine, but my hot, brooding, growly, alpha male of a boss instead?
I’ll think something up.It’ll be easier explaining that to my friends and family than breaking the news that there's no wedding. Right?
And love? I swallow around the ball of emotion in my throat. What about love? How do I reconcile my wanting to be in love andhave the perfect marriage versus this arrangement I’m contemplating with my boss?
And when I agreed to marry Keith. Was that love?Well, I thought I was in love. But I’m not exactly heartbroken that I’m not marrying him.
I’m kinda relieved, if I'm being honest. Aside from the fact that I’ll be at the receiving end of people’s pitying glances, and the knowledge that my life plan will be knocked askew if the marriage doesn't go ahead.
Maybe, I could get my life plan back on track first, and then think about love?
Without giving myself time to think, I message Brody.
Me: Can we talk?
He replies, almost instantly.
Bossman: Tomorrow, 6 p.m.
19
Brody
“I’ve given some thought to what you said and—” She swallows. “I want to know how it would work.”
“You want to know how our marriage would work?” I lean back in my chair.
All day, she’s been a model of efficiency. She’s taken on most of my day-to-day work. And led on two important sales calls with offices in the US and Asia. A couple of times, I glanced up to see her frowning at me. She averted her gaze and went back to her work.
At precisely six p.m., she walked in and perched herself in the seat opposite me at the desk.
Finally, fuck.
I didn’t get much sleep last night. I haven’t been able to get thoughts of my executive assistant out of my head.
My executive assistant who is now single.
