This time when I wake up it’s to find him dressed and watching me with a brooding expression in his eyes. He’s freshly showered as evidenced by his wet hair which has been combed back. He’s also wearing a button-down and a pair of black slacks. He looks delicious and like the man I first met. Especially the hardness to his features and the lack of any emotion in his eyes.
Gone is the dominant who was moved by the power exchange. The husband who took responsibility for my safety and pleasure.
I’m looking at my boss.
I don’t have my dream job anymore. But what bothers me more is that I seem to have lost the one thing which makes me truly content. The attention of this man who’s my husband.
Yes, I want an amazing career which fulfills me. But it means little without the man I’ve fallen head over heels in love with.
His next words confirm that he’s not ready to share his feelings with me.
"I need to get back to work."
43
Brody
Yes, it’s Boxing Day. The day after Christmas. A public holiday in the country. Not that it matters for the helicopter service I use.
Within an hour of my calling them for a pickup, we’re in the air and on our way home.
I saw the surprise then the disappointment on her face when I told her that we were leaving. On the heels of it was understanding. Then sympathy. Followed by anger.
Yes, I acted exactly like the coward she accused me of being. Craven. And unable to tell her how I feel or acknowledging it to myself.
But I'm beginning to realize that self-preservation is a trait that I value more than anything other. And I need to think.
To digest what it was I felt when I saw her covered in welts from the knots I’d placed against her skin. And the marks that were painted on by the ropes I’d slid over her curves. Or the possessivenessthat filled me when I looked into her eyes and came inside of her without any barriers between us.
She’s the first woman with whom I haven’t used a condom. And the symbolism of that isn’t lost on me.
The fact that she’s my wife makes it feel right. And that gives me more cause for concern.
It shouldn’t feel this natural.
This effortless.
This inevitable.
Like this is where she belongs.With me.That this is where I belong.With her.
The fact that I spent the night watching her sleep and began to dream of tying her up and fucking her every night, and waking up next to her every morning, concerned me greatly.
It's not so much that I'm not committed to her. I married her and I take my vows seriously. This is different. More and more, I find myself needing her. And I can't have that.
Try as I might, I wasn’t able to remove the images from my mind. The longer I stared at her, the denser they grew. Until I began dreaming of caring for her, contemplated falling for her, wondered how it would be to have a forever with her that consists of more than a piece of paper.
What if I gave her more than my name? What if I gave her my heart?
To say that sounded the alarm bells is an understatement.
That’s when I knew, I had to get back. Enough of this honeymoon bullshit.
The marriage has been consummated.
Gramps is happy that we're legally married. Enough to hand over my portion of the shares in the company. His lawyer reached out about giving me access to my trust fund before the ceremony.
This is why I went through with the marriage, after all. And yes, to help her go through with a wedding to save her the ignominy of being dumped a few days before she walked down the altar.
