It felt right to say it. As if his world had been built on sand, and confessing his love out here in the bright light of day hardened that sand into firm stone.
“You love her but you don’t want a relationship with her.”
“I can’t have one with her. Both logistically—she’s a territory admiral—and survival-wise. And by that, I mean her survival.”
Elijah hummed contemplatively then shook his head. “Based on your logic, it’s too late.”
Eric whipped around to face Elijah, who merely shrugged.
“You love her. Her life is forfeit.”
“What the fuck, man…”
“You cannot un-ring a bell, and you cannot un-love. You love her, ergo her life is forfeit already.”
Eric shoved to his feet, heart pounding. “Say it again and I’ll throw you off this cliff.” Fuck it, he’d just deal with Juliette being pissed.
Elijah didn’t move from his relaxed position sitting on the ground. “Is Nikolett still alive?”
“Barely. Someone’s trying to fucking kill her.”
“And what has stopped that?”
“Really good security and she’s smart.”
“So it isn’t you, personally, who gets credit for her survival.”
“No, but I sent the Spartan Guard to check her?—”
“No, thefleet admiralsent the guard. You made a point of that the other day. You, personally, have done nothing to protect her, and yet she’s still alive.”
“Because I stayed away! She’s alive because I love her but no one knows that.”
Several meters behind him, Regina, also in workout gear and scanning the area around them for threats as she did cool-down stretches, snorted. She was standing far enough back that she wouldn’t have been able to hear what they said when speaking normally, but Eric had started yelling.
“What the fuck does that mean?” he demanded of Regina.
“Eric, what are you feeling right now?”
He whipped back to Elijah. “I feel like I’m having a heart attack. And also that I should throw you off this cliff.”
Slowly, Elijah stood. “Your brain is telling your body that there’s active danger, but there isn’t.” Elijah pulled a small pen light from his pocket. “Follow the light with your eyes and tell me again what you think is going to happen to Nikolett.”
Eric’s muscles trembled with the need to do something. To fight. To become a mindless beast of violence just so he could stop thinking for a while. The trembling was so intense, it felt like a full body shiver, but he looked at Elijah, tracking the tip of the pen light as the doctor moved it side to side.
“She’ll die. Not just die but die horribly. Die in pain. And what if…what if she has hope?” The trembling made it impossible to stand. Eric sank to his knees. Elijah dropped with him, still moving the penlight back and forth horizontally, forcing Eric’s eyes to move bilaterally.
“Hope?” Elijah asked softly.
“What if she’s being tortured, or she’s alone left for dead, and she has hope?”
“What is she hoping for?”
“Survival.” Eric bit out the word, his blood rushing in his ears muting the sound of his own voice.
Elijah cocked his head in question. “Hoping for survival is a very normal human action.”
The doctor was going to make him say it out loud. To expose the seed at the core of his nightmares.
