“You are not the only person running this territory. Your belief that your stupidity is the sole deciding factor when it comes to our survival is insulting to me, Grigoris, the finance ministers…”
She was right, and Nikolett felt like an ass. “Nyx, I’m sorry?—”
“Do we need you? Yes. You have the vision and skills and people respect you. Would it be hard without you? Yes. But willwe survive? Yes. You got us through the worst of what Petro left behind.”
“You’re right, and I’m so sorry for?—”
“Now, you personally?” Nyx topped up her own glass and resumed her seat. “You’re a bit of a disaster.”
“Thank you,” Nikolett deadpanned, hiding her relief that Nyx was shifting the focus and didn’t seem seriously offended.
“And the fact that we don’t know who’s hurting you, can’t figure out how to stop them…” Nyx’s expression was sober—despite all the wine—and serious. “That eats at them. All of them. Every knight, every security officer. It keeps Grigoris up at night.”
Nikolett thought of apologizing again but knew Nyx didn’t want that.
“Now that we’ve established Vadisk didn’t leave us because he thinks you’re doomed, I’ll ask my question again. Why do you love Eric?”
Nikolett slumped against the arm of the couch. “I don’t know.”
Nyx made an annoyed sound. “Yes, you do.”
Yes. She did.
Nikolett took a breath, at first trying to find a way to explain that sounded humble and reasonable.
“Just say it,” Nyx demanded when the silence stretched on.
“He thinks I’m as smart, capable, and powerful as I pretend to be.”
She felt lighter once she’d spoken, as if this previously unspoken truth were a weight she’d finally dropped.
“He appointed me admiral. The territory was a disaster, everything was falling apart, and Eric looked at me and said, ‘There’s someone who can handle this. Who can fix it.’”
“You weren’t unknown. You were a capable politician.”
“Capable? Yes. But I was ‘unlikeable’ and ‘aggressive.’”
“Because you’re a woman. If you were a man, those qualities wouldn’t have been seen as negative.”
“I know, but I’d been fighting to be seen, to make my opinions heard. And here came this intense, powerful, dangerous man who looked at me and saw the version of me I want to be. Saw what I was capable of, and then let me do it.”
“Being made admiral was validating. That’s understandable.”
“Validating, yes.”
“But…” Nyx drew out the word. “That’s not why you love him. At least I hope that’s not why.”
Nikolett took a sip of wine, sorting through the muddle of her emotions. “He sees me,” she said eventually. “In so many ways, I feel like he knows me better than anyone.”
“I find that hard to believe, given how little you tell him.”
“Not about what’s happening in my life but me.” She pressed a fist to the center of her torso. “When I’m with him, I’m…raw. There’s no artifice or games. He sees me. My messy, ugly truth. And still wants me.” Nikolett looked at her friend. “And I see him the same way.”
Nyx nodded slowly. “It’s both terrifying and freeing to be that vulnerable with someone.”
“And not just anyone. With a, a…” Nikolett winced but then said the words that had popped into her head. “With a worthy adversary.”
Instead of laughing or scoffing, Nyx pointed at her with the wineglass. “Exactly. You are a powerful personality. So is he.”
