“That I made you mad? Yes. That I kept you somewhere safe for the sake of my own fucking mental health? No. Won’t apologize for that part.”
Nikolett made a pissed-off noise.
“But I did go to therapy. I get credit for that.”
She studied him with a skeptical expression before continuing. “I agreed we could meet for a date, but then when I got home, I decided it was time for me to find my own trinity. Then came Bachelorette Hungary—that’s what Elena and Nyx called it. I went on one date with someone from that list, but felt nothing.
“Then when we decided that I’d come to Paris as bait?—”
Eric suppressed a twitch. He’d done his best to ignore that part of the situation, because if he thought about it for too long, kidnapping her to Trikellion and locking her not just in a bedroom but in the castle dungeons, started sounding very reasonable.
“— I asked him if he was going to be anywhere near Paris at the same time and maybe we could meet.”
“He’s not a member?”
“No. Part of our dinner last night was an interview to see if he was a good candidate. He is.”
“You were going to recruit him.”
“Midway through last night, I decided that I couldn’t recruit him since he has no strong ties to my territory, but I would talk to Arthur about him becoming a member of England. Then maybe an inter-territory marriage.”
Eric tried not to let his feelings show on his face. “You had a plan mapped out for marrying him.”
“I did. Until I drank too much and when he put me to bed, I called him by your name.”
This time he didn’t laugh.
Nikolett leaned her cheek on his shoulder. “Even before that, there were times I looked at him and thought of you. I…I wonder if I only like him because he reminds me a little of you.”
“Nikki, you sound worried again. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Then why do I feel like this?” She sat up. “Why didn’t I tell you about him this morning before we had sex?”
“Because it was about us, no one else mattered, even the random Scottish dude you kissed last night.” He kissed the frown line between her brows. “You don’t have to tell me anything else, Nikki. Not unless you want to.”
“I just feel…” Her frown deepened, her gaze unfocused as she thought. “I…told him things.”
Eric stilled. “Things nonmembers shouldn’t know?”
“No.” She shook her head. “No. Things about…me.”
He blinked.
“Things about how I grew up, and why I decided to go into politics. Things that I never really talk about with anyone. He felt…safe…to talk to.”
Eric had to swallow hard. “And I…don’t. Feel like someone it’s safe to talk to.”
Nikolett wouldn’t meet his gaze. “There wasn’t really room formypast,mytrauma.”
Fuck, he was an asshole. An absolute asshole.
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. “Someday, if you want, I’d love to know about your past. But if you don’t feel like I’m a safe person to tell?—”
Nikolett put her hand over his mouth. “Please don’t. It’s making it worse.”
He studied her over the top of her hand.
“Right or wrong, I feel like I cheated on you yesterday. Not physically but emotionally. Like I showed someone else something that should have been yours, and I’m…I’m ashamed and guilty.”
