"Can you tell me how that happened?"
I bite my lip hard. I need the physical pain. Otherwise, the mental images running through my head will make me spiral.
"Hey, don't bite these lips," Daddy tugs gently on my abused lip, and I lick his finger playfully.
"These lips are mine. Don't hurt them."
"What if I want the pain?" I challenge.
Daddy's eyes darken, and he pulls me into his lap. He claims my lips, biting and then soothing the sting with his tongue.
"Your pain is only mine to inflict," Daddy says, voice heated. "No one else is allowed to hurt you. Not even you."
I'm sure I have literal hearts in my eyes.
"Do you understand me, boy?"
"Yes, Daddy."
"Good. Now let's continue, but I want you to stay in my lap. Focus on how my hands feel around you, how you're sitting on my lap, and every place we're touching."
"That'll make some things very… hard."
Daddy smirks. "As long as you stay here with me and not drift away into your mind, to a place I can't reach you."
It hits me why Daddy wants us to continue to speak like this. He wants to hear the truth, but he doesn't want me drowning in my past. He's giving me a safe space to tell my story.
I love this man so much it feels like my heart will burst.
But then my mind really does drift to what I have to say next, and the warmth fades, replaced by a familiar coldness.
I look at Daddy's throat. For some reason, I can't meet his eyes as I speak.
"I was eleven years old when it happened."
Flashes of brutal hands play before my eyes, and I flinch.
Grinding my teeth, I decide to barrel through the story. I've never spoken about this. Not even my father knows all the details. No one does. And I thought that's how I wanted it. Until now.
"Aziel's father came back home. Up until then, I'd never seen him. I thought he was my dad too, so I was very happy."
I remember the eagerness with which I followed him around, the pure hero worship shining in my eyes.
"Aziel's father was an adventurer, at least that's how our mother portrayed him. When he saw Aziel, they hugged, and Az cried. They looked so happy, and I couldn't wait to get my first hug from my father."
I guess I stayed silent for too long because Daddy says, "It never happened?"
"No. It did not. One look at me, and Aziel's father exploded. He had a screaming match with our mother, and Az and I were sent to our rooms. Az blamed me for making his father angry."
It was the first night Az and I fought. It was the beginning of our ending.
"Several days passed, and things were still tense in the house. Aziel's dad wouldn't even look at me. Well, he did from time to time, just to snap at me."
I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong, why there was somethingwrongwith me for my father to act like this.
"Then one day, my mom and Az left for a vacation."
"A vacation? Just the two of them?" Daddy asks, his tone edged with trepidation.
