I'm so freaking happy.
Chapter twenty-four
Ezrah
Long after Sebastian falls asleep, I lie awake.
The thought that if he ever bleeds again, I'll be the one holding the blade crawls under my skin. I do my best to swallow a shiver and close my eyes.
The idea should horrify me. Instead, it lights a dark, stupid hunger that terrifies me more. Not because I want to hurt him – I would never let him be hurt alone – but because there is a part of me that wants to own every mark on him. His blood becomes a thought I can't shake.
His blood. My blood. Our blood.
The fantasy hollows me out and simultaneously makes my cock hard. I imagine painting his pale skin with both the insanity and the claim braided together.
No part of me craves to hurt him in any way or form. But I crave to be beside him in the darkness, take care of him, to find another way to give him what he needs. And if not possible,then becoming the blade on which he bleeds, tending to him afterwards, and assuring both of us that he's still here. Still my boy.
A few days ago, such a thing would have shocked me. Now it's all I can think about.
I am probably far too gone to be called human. Normal men would recoil, call the police, run. Sebastian didn't run. He stayed, and I saw the hunger in his eyes. That's what keeps the fantasy alive – the knowledge he didn't run. The rest of it I'll figure out when the time comes.
***
In the morning, I wake before Sebastian and make breakfast for us. While we eat, he excitedly tells me all the things we can do today. Gone is the hurting boy from yesterday. He doesn't even pay attention to the bandage on his thigh. But I do, which is why after breakfast I clean the wound again and dress it myself.
Slowly, I think I'm learning more about my boy.
He isn't pretending to be fine. He truly is fine.
I can't comprehend how you can be consumed by darkness in one moment and in the next radiate like the sun, full of so much happiness.
But I'm not going to make it weird or worse, demand he explain himself.
One of the points of a relationship is to be yourself with the other person. There's a lot I don't know about my boy, but I'm going to rectify that.
"I like your ideas for today, but we can't do them all," I say around my cup of coffee.
"Why?"
"Because it would take us several days to do everything." He starts to pout, so I hurry to say, "That's why I decided what we'll do today and what we'll leave for another day."
He brightens immediately. Placing his hands on his chin, he looks at me expectantly. I chuckle under my breath and say, "Today will be all about sweets and cold. We're going on an ice-cream hunt day."
"Yaaay."
Sebastian jumps from his seat and perches in my lap. I wrap my hands around him and kiss his lips.
"You'll be a good boy now. Get dressed and be ready while I wash the dishes."
He nods rapidly. "Okay, Daddy."
But he doesn't leave, instead he demands more kisses. I don't mind. I'm starting to think that when it comes to Sebastian, I don't mind anything.
I hope our date today will brighten his mood. I remember that ever since he was little, he loved ice cream. One particular situation still makes me laugh.
"Why the fuck did we have to stop and buy so much ice cream, Ezrah?" Aziel asks from the passenger seat next to me.
He isn't happy, and I just don't get why.
