I rush to the bathroom and start filling the bathtub. Then I pull out the razor I keep under the sink.
I stare blankly at the water as the tub fills. In the space where my heart usually beats, it feels like there's a gaping hole of hollowness that only expands and expands. I need to do something, or it will swallow me whole.
What is the darkness trying to tell me this time?
I only dare to ask this question when I'm feeling particularly brave or insane.
Is there any logic to the madness, or is it just here to drag me to the edge of madness and watch me fall?
I've always had a hate-love relationship with falling. Sometimes it's sweet, dripping with pleasure. Other times it's destructive, breaking every bone, cutting through flesh as you crash to the cold ground.
Tonight there's no reason. Or maybe there is, and I just don't see it.
Either way, it doesn't change the end result.
When the bathtub is full, I sink in the water, head above the surface, and hands at my sides. The water is warm, kissing my skin like a gentle lover, trying to reach the parts of me not yet consumed by darkness. But there are no such parts. Not until I exorcise this thing from my body. Not until I kill it and prove I'm stronger.
Without hesitation, I bring the razor to my right thigh and slice through my skin. The cut is deep, sharp, fast, and precise. I don't flinch. I don't even register the pain.
The water quickly clouds with my blood, pale pink at first. The longer I stay, the darker it gets. And the darker it gets, the lighter I feel.
I watch emotionless as the blood drains from me and bleeds into the water. The colors swirl, turning from soft pink to something much deeper.
This is my time.
I sink under the water and open my mouth.
Somewhere in the distance, a door opens. But all I'm focused on is the taste of blood filling my throat.
I'm finally free.
Chapter twenty-two
Ezrah
The end of my shift is nearing, so I head to the bar to look for Sebastian. But when I get there, only Conrad is behind the counter.
"Hey, where's Sebastian?" I ask.
Conrad frowns. "He left."
"What do you mean he left?"
"He wasn't feeling well. Ethan told him to go home."
I pull out my phone and call him immediately. Why didn't he come to me? What's wrong with him?
I start to worry even more when the phone goes straight to voicemail. I'm about to storm out and drive to his place when I realize that I don't even know where my boy lives.
Ethan.
Ethan must know.
I knock on his office door and enter when I hear his voice, "Come in."
"I need you to tell me where Sebastian lives."
"Hello to you, too. You know I can't do that."
