Not even one toy I can play with.
Even the pillows are a boring blue. Not even a beautiful blue.
Since there's nothing interesting here, I head into the kitchen and check the fridge. I see fruits and yogurt, so I busy myself preparing a bowl for each of us. I also switched on the coffee maker. Daddy will want a cup, and I may have one too.
Poor Daddy. He's probably panicking in the bathroom since he's taking his time. I'll make it better.
By the time he comes back, the coffee and bowls are ready. His eyes widen slightly when he sees the table.
"You didn't have to do this," he says.
"I wanted to. I know yogurt with fruit is your favorite breakfast."
"You… how?" He looks puzzled, but quickly shakes his head. "Never mind. Thank you."
Aziel believed my Daddy's favorite breakfast was pancakes. It was not. He only said that because Aziel loved eating them.
Daddy sits across from me, and we eat in silence. I don't mind. I like everything as long as we're together.
When we finish, Daddy carries our bowls to the sink and washes them before returning to sip his coffee.
"So…" he trails off.
"Soooo?" I ask.
"How are you feeling today?"
I take a moment, checking in with myself. The hollowness from yesterday is gone. The dark thoughts linger somewhere in the back of my mind, but that's always the case. At least they're not up front. I'm with my Daddy. We slept together and we shared breakfast.
"I'm perfectly good," I say sincerely.
He studies me, unsure whether I'm telling the truth.
"You know you can talk with me about anything, right?"
I can't. Not really. So I only nod, not wanting to lie outright to his face.
"What happened yesterday?" he asks.
I pause. Do I tell the truth, half the truth, or a lie? I'll go for half the truth. I want Daddy to know me. The real me, or at least a part of it.
"Sometimes, I have moments like this." I take my time sorting through my thoughts, and Daddy waits patiently. "Nights or days when things go a bit dark up here." I tap my temple.
His brows furrow with concern. He searches my eyes like he'll see inside my brain if he tries hard enough.
"Do you want to share a bit about it?"
I shake my head. "No. Not really."
After a moment, he nods, "Okay. But I want you to know I'm here for you if you need me."
I grin and blurt, "You're a good Daddy. Does this mean you'll let me crash on your couch any time I need it?" I wanted to say crash on you, but I held back.
He bites his lip, unsure for a bit, but then nods. "Yeah. If that's what you need."
Dear Daddy, you have no idea what you just did.
This permission is all I needed.
