I shrug. “There’s really nothing to say. This isn’t the first time I’ve been rejected.”
Goddammit. Why did I say that? That last thing I want from Alex – or anyone – is fucking pity.
But there it is, right there in his beautiful hazel eyes as his brows draw together.
“Is that what you think? That I’m rejecting you? Do you truly believe that I won’t still want you, crave you, fuckingneedyou after the baby is born?”
There’s the lightest rumble of a growl wrapped around his words as he pushes to sitting instead of having this conversation lying down.
“I heard you guys. I heard what Mason said. And he’s doing a bang-up job of keeping himself blocked in the bond. He wants the bond dissolved after I give birth. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has someone waiting beside the bed to complete the surgery within the first five minutes. I mean, hey, if even my own parents couldn’t find a reason to keep me around until I was at least legally able to get my own fucking place, why would the alphas I’ve fallen in love with, the alphas whose baby is growing inside me, want to keep me in their lives?”
Sonofafuckingbitch. Tears are burning the backs of my eyes and no amount of blinking will keep them at bay.
Swiping at them angrily, I push from the bed and put a few feet between us as Alex gapes at me, a deep furrow between his brows as he simply frowns at me silently.
I want him to say something, anything, but really, what the fuck can he say?
I’m sure he cares about me. And I’m still pretending Desmond’s declaration of love was real.
That means fuck all if their mate and pack lead doesn’t want me as his omega. Not unless the other two are willing to walk away from Mason and I would never want that. Not only do I refuse to come between the three after spending over a decade together…
But my heart has claimed him as much as Alex and Des.
“Just go,” I say as my heart feels like it’s splintering in my chest.
“Fuck no,” he says, tossing the blankets away, throwing his feet over the side, and stalking toward me.
I don’t bother backing away, just crane my neck to look into his face when he stops mere inches from me.
“You can’t seriously think we don’t fucking want you.”
“I heard Mason –”
“He’s a fucking dipshit who said something fucking stupid. Whether he’s ready to admit it or not, he’s just as head over fucking heels for you as Des and me. I want you to come home, Hudson. I want you in our pack bed.”
“Why? So I can wake up alone every day then go to bed alone every night? Do you have any idea how that feels? It’s no different than being here.” I throw my arms out wide. “At least here, I can protect my heart.”
“I’m not giving you up, Hudson. I refuse to dissolve my bond.” He winces a bit. “Unless that’s what you want.” His last statement is so soft, so full of pain. That same pain is echoing down the thread linking us together.
“Of course, that’s not what I want. But I also don’t want to be an afterthought. Listen,” I say, holding up my hand to stop him when he opens his mouth to speak. “It’s fine. You guys have a super important job. I knew you were lawyers going into this.” Although I’d had no idea how rarely I would see them. “I would never come between the three of you nor would I ask you to completely alter your lives around me.”
“That’s not –”
I shake my head and stop him before he can argue any further. “Alex, stop. Nothing will change whether I’m here or there. No. That’s not true. If I stay here, I can at least think aboutmy future, maybe…I don’t know, maybe go back to school or something. Ella has a college degree and a great job.”
I don’t bother telling him I’m a high school dropout. I’ve already said too much by telling him my parents rejected me. The last thing I want is for them to decide to accept me merely out of pity rather than because they developed feelings as deep as the ones I feel for them.
I want them to love me.
“We can…,” Alex starts but trails off.
Without saying anything, I know he was going to try to argue that they can change. How? How does he think they could change anything about their lives? The only way things could change is if one or all of them suddenly cut their workload in half.
That’s something I would never ask from them. I knew going into this it would be temporary. Regardless of how badly it hurts, I have to rip the Band-Aid off now.
Not to say I won’t allow them into my home or bed during visits. After all, affection and intimacy were things they’d agreed to. I’m an omega with needs.
In the past, I might have simply sought out alphas, even contacted those whom I’d been with previously.
