And what sends me spiraling over the edge.
As jets shoot from the tip of my dick and paint his inner walls, three words fall from my lips as I fully lose myself to the pleasure.
“I love you.”
CHAPTER 37
Hudson
Iknow Des wanted to stay overnight. I know he wanted me to return home with him.
Not tonight. I would have to return to at least get my belongings, the things I can’t live without like my body and skin care, and my favorite clothes.
But I will not put my heart on the line any more than I already have.
Even as I stand at the window and watch Des’s taillights fade into the distance, it feels as though there’s a tether tied between us stretching tighter and tighter, the discomfort growing to near pain.
Kane left, too, but I was informed another guard will be assigned the moment I need to leave the house. At least Des is respecting my wish to not have one of their employees inside my apartment every minute of the day.
I should have done like Ella and gotten a job. I could have even gone to college and earned a degree. Though I have no idea in what considering I never put any thought into what I wanted to be when I grew up, back when I was struggling to survive at sixteen out on the streets with no one but Ella to make sure I was still alive every day.
It might be time to think about my future. After the baby is born, I need to find a way to support myself instead of relying on alphas and packs who pay to fulfill their fantasies and fetishes.
I’ve never told the pack how I supported myself before. What would they think if they found out I practically whored myself before them? What would they think if they found out I was pretty much a high paid prostitute?
Doubt they would have asked me to carry their child.
I really don’t want to believe they would judge me considering an omega needs an alpha’s knot – or the equivalent – during their cycles. And it’s not uncommon for omegas to hire someone or offer their heat to the highest bidder.
But using an alpha to survive the pain and fever is different than slaking my physical needs while taking money from strangers who simply want to fuck an omega.
Too late now. At least for them to change their minds about who carries their child.
Pushing away from the window, I cross the room and stand before the mirror leaning in the corner. I’d pulled my sweats back on after Des cleaned me up but didn’t bother with a shirt. How long before the smallest bump appears? How will I look with a rounded belly?
Will I end up with stretch marks? Will it affect the way my body looks after?
Will it affect my ability to snare alphas or a pack?
Who am I kidding? Female omegas are small like me, but they’re rounded, soft, have wide hips, rounded butts, and bigtits. A little softness might actually attract a pack who wantsme, not merely my uterus.
And since when did I start thinking about actually packing up?
Stupid question. It started when my stupid heart claimed that stupid pack as mine.
After giving birth, I could seek out a pack who will spoil me, dote on me, make me the center of their lives. And they won’t regret marking me while lost to their hindbrain.
I could find a pack who loves me as much as Pack Anders loves each other.
I love you.
My heart flutters at the memory of Des blurting those words as he knotted me. I want those words to be true. It was the first time he and I have made love without the other two present. He could have very well been reacting to the pleasure the way he would with his mates.
I want to believe he meant those words to me. I want to believe he truly wanted me to return to the pack house because he wants me in his life for more than the nine months it’ll take before the child is born.
There had been no mistaking Mason’s words, though.
Those flutters turn to a deep ache in the middle of my chest and tears burn the backs of my eyes. No one is here, so I don’t bother holding them back as they stream down my cheeks.
