“Why are you here?” I finally ask after a few awkward moments of silence.
“Kane said you were still here. And I didn’t like the idea of him being in your room.”
A sense of joy mixed with a touch of anger at his words swells in my chest. “Why would it matter if the guard was in my room or not?”
“Because you’re a bonded omega. He’s an unbonded alpha.”
My frown only deepens. “I might carry marks, but I don’t think it qualifies as being bonded, Des. Your pack lead would probably rush me to the doctor today if he could dissolve the bond without endangering the baby.”
His mouth opens then closes and I can feel his sadness through that invisible thread in my chest. He can’t deny it. I heard the words straight from Mason’s mouth.
“You all three gave me the choice of staying in my home after I became pregnant. I think it’s in everyone’s best interest if I stay here while you three…live your life. Or whatever.”Great. Super articulate there, Hudson.
“Youare our life,” he says, his brows pinched together while sadness fills his warm brown eyes and his chocolate hazelnut scent smells burned. Bitter.
“No. I’m not. I’m carrying your future. I’m carrying your dream. And that’s fine. I knew exactly what I was signing up for, Des. You guys don’t have to pretend.” The words taste bad on my tongue, but they need to be said.
Not just for him, but for me. I feel as though I’m trying to convince myself as much as I’m trying to explain to Desmond I not only understand where I stand in their pack, but that I’m a temporary fixture in their life.
“Where’s Kane?” I ask, craning my neck as though I can see through my closed bedroom door.
A rush of anger and what sure as hell feels like jealousy rushes through the bond. Even muted, the sensation is strong. “Why?”
That one word is wrapped with a deep, guttural growl that fills the room and sends the fine hairs on my arms standing on end.
I huff a humorless laugh. “I didn’t know if you finally let him leave. He’s been here for hours. I told him I was fine here. The building is secure. But he said he’s to stay here until he hears otherwise from one of you three.”
“Oh,” Desmond says, a sheepish look crossing over his face.
“Yeah.Oh. You guys did say you wanted security with me, but I really don’t think that’s necessary while I’m home. If you’rethat worried, I can arrange any trips I take be with you or your guys and they can either ride with me or drive me. Not that I tend to go out much. Especially now since I can’t drink for the next nine months.”
I meant the last part to be a tease, but I can’t so much as conjure a smile as I stare into his sad eyes.
He’s the only alpha of the three who hasn’t left his mark on me, yet I can feel him, feel his yearning, feel his despair over me staying in my apartment instead of their house.
But really, why does it matter where I stay? Other than the weekends, we hardly spend any time together. They leave while I’m sleeping. They get home while I’m sleeping. And I sure as hell won’t stay up all day and night with the hopes of getting a glimpse of them.
At least they’d started sleeping in the pack bed, so if I happened to wake in the middle of the night I was surrounded by their strong, warm bodies. And the bed and room were always saturated with their scents and pheromones.
The longer we stand here staring at each other, the more I realize he’s no longer arguing about whether or not Mason or Alex regret marking me. He’s no longer arguing with me about whether or not I’m supposed to be bonded, supposed to be his pack’s omega.
And my heart shatters just a little more.
That is exactly why I need to stay home. Why I need my space. I’ll ensure I take care of myself so their child – and that’s the way I’ll force myself to see the little one I’m carrying – is healthy. I’ll allow them to send their guards to watch over me when I leave.
But I refuse to put my heart on a platter simply for them to crush. It’s better if I start pulling away now before I’m in too deep.
Though that very well might be too late.
Even now, staring into Desmond’s beautiful chocolatey brown eyes, I feel as though the air has been stolen from my lungs and my heart is being squeezed in his big fist.
When he moves forward, his hand raising to cup my cheek, I don’t fight the urge to nuzzle my face against his warm palm. I’m beyond touch-starved, even after spending the day with Ella.
It’s simply not the same. Snuggling my best friend isn’t the same as sucking up the pheromones from my alphas.
And fuck…I can’t stop thinking of them as mine. For now, I carry their marks. For now, theyaremine.
“I don’t want…” Des trails off, his gaze bouncing between mine as my heart races.
