“Why? You know this shit will end in a year. Why would you put yourself through this…” She watches me a few moments. My freaking eyes burn, and I can’t keep the tears from welling in my eyes.
When one rolls over my lashes to trail down my cheek, she lunges for me, pulling me into a tight hug.
“You fell in love with them,” she whispers as I rest my head on her shoulder.
All I can do is nod. I haven’t told them that. I’m not sure I’ve fully admitted it to myself. I know I have feelings for them. I recognize their scents as my match. I can feel it in my bones, in my heart and soul that those three alphas are it for me.
“But…they don’t feel the same. At least Mason doesn’t. I heard him. I heard him telling Alex and Des they would take me to have the bond dissolved after I gave birth.”
As I force all that through my closing throat, Ella simply holds me and listens.
When I realize I’m soaking her shirt, I pull away and scrub at my cheeks, feeling silly for having a complete and total meltdown when I knew exactly what I was getting into from the start.
“Shit,” she whispers under her breath. “I’m sorry.” She swipes the tears from her own cheeks before saying, “How about just a kneecapping. I won’t have them killed but –”
I huff out a surprised laugh. “No kneecapping. No brothers being called. I’ll be fine. I’ll figure it out,” I say, reaching over to grab a couple tissues for both of us instead of sitting here sniffling.
“Have you told them how you feel? Like, had a sit down, serious conversation?” she asks before blowing her nose.
I shake my head and toss my used tissue onto the coffee table where I’m sure a pile will grow before the night is over.
“There’s no point. I heard them. I heard Mason. I knew going into this it would end in one way. I won’t be the first person on the planet with a broken heart. There’s a whole genre of unrequited love for a reason.”
I try to force a smile, try to keep my tone playful, but those stupid tears have returned.
“So…what are you going to do?”
Dropping back against the couch, I roll my head to look at her. “I’m thinking about staying here for a while. I’ll have to go back to pack up some things since I took practically my entire wardrobe and most my toiletries over there, but…I think I might need some space. Make my heart and mind understand the alphas aren’t mine.”
“You think they’ll be okay with that?”
“It was part of the deal. I could either stay with them or stay here while they pay the expenses. The only other change will be…” I jerk my head toward my bedroom. “Someone will be hovering over me until the baby’s born.”
“You said they were lawyers,” she says with a confused frown.
“Yeah.”
“Why the bodyguards?”
“I think they’re just being protective.Overprotective. Whatever. It’s fine. As long as they don’t interfere with my life, I don’t mind.”
“No outside alphas, though?”
I shake my head. “No. That was the other big part. They don’t want me having sex with anyone else. But that was a safety thing, not a control thing.”
And honestly, now that I’ve met who I truly believe to be my soul mates, I can’t imagine myself having meaningless sex with complete strangers. Not any time soon, at least.
“You do realize being pregnant makes you horny, right? It’s a hormonal thing or something. You prepared to jerk off or use toys for the next nine months?”
Just like I had, Ella is doing what she can to try to lighten the mood.
“Won’t be the first or last time, I’m sure.”
It will, however, be the first time I’ll have to nurse a broken heart.
CHAPTER 34
Desmond
