With a slow inhale to hype myself up, I finally left the bathroom and peered down the hall to where Crescent sat. I watched from afar at first, lost in my thoughts about what I was feeling, how I was feeling it, and why. A slight flutter to the left of my heart here, a harsher pound to the right there.
It felt like I could raise my chin and keep it there, unabashedly proud of what I was bringing into the room. Which was myself, just slightly happier than I had been earlier.
Cautiously, I walked further down the hallway until I was just to the side of the couch. Crescent’s hair was pulled back and up into a neat ponytail, the slight curl closer to the ends of his hair bunching together. I watched as he jerked his head to the side, his eyes wide. After a second, he seemed to relax. Had I scared him?
His eyes dropped from my face, traveling down my outfit. They paused—not for long, but long enough to start making me feel restless. “What do you think?” I asked.
“You look fucking amazing.” It sounded like somethingwas stuck in his throat. He cleared it, but I could still see it. Whatever was stuck had traveled to his face, or maybe his brain. A slightly red tinge started on the height of his cheekbones, spreading down and over the rest of them, hiding behind the short, dark beard on his chin.
Looking down, I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. “You think so?”
“Absolutely. I’m glad we picked those up for you.” He patted the couch cushion beside him. “Come sit with me.”
I meandered over, never really looking up on my way there. My feet dragged on, forcing my body to walk with them. Five pounds of solid lead rested on top of them to make every step harder, and I couldn’t understand why.
A hand cupped my chin, bringing my gaze right to Crescent’s. We were only a leg’s width apart on the couch, not quite touching, but close. “Do you not like it? It’s okay if you don’t.”
“No, I do. I really, really do. I don’t know what it is.” I wanted to look away, yet I didn’t. I could see the adoration in his eyes, the way it lit them up from behind. A small ray of sunlight peeked through the brown, cascading over my skin, warming it everywhere he looked.
His thumb rubbed just under my chin and across the bottom part of my cheek. The pad scratched over the bits of stubble I’d yet to shave off, catching on them every few swipes. “Hmm. Do you think it’s because it’s new?”
“Maybe.”
“How do you feel wearing it?”
My lips moved before I knew it, spilling all of my secrets without me even realizing. “Beautiful. Which just feels like a lie.” A blush much more severe than Crescent’s started right at the base of my neck, the heat spreading all the way over my forehead.Why the fuck did I say that?
The flutters in my heart came to a dead stop as Crescentpulled his hand away, making me think for just a moment that I’d said something wrong. Done something I shouldn’t have. Instead, the space between his eyebrows crinkled, and his lips pulled down into a heart-aching frown. “Oh, Sunshine.” He sighed the words, as if they were too heavy to hold in his mouth.
His arms opened, and I fell into them automatically. No hesitation. No thoughts about it. I fell into him and trusted he’d catch me, nine years of separation be damned.
“You are beautiful.” The rumble of his voice lulled me into safety. There he went again, caressing the back of my head so tenderly. “I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. On the inside and the outside.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’ve always thought that.”
I hummed in response just as both of us fell into silence. It was late—I knew it was late, but I didn’t want the yawn that suddenly came from me. We’d had a big day, I guessed. It’d taken a toll on me.
Crescent had noticed too, pulling away slowly. “Let’s get to bed. I know you just put these on, but do you want your new pajamas to change into?”
The material of the crop top was soft and breathable. It clung to me just enough without being suffocating. I rolled my shoulders, testing the range of movement there. “Uh, maybe just the pants? I think I’d like to sleep in this.”
“Go on, and I’ll grab those for you. They’re just in the dryer.”
“I can get them.”
“Nope. It’ll only take a second.”
I sighed, but knew I wouldn’t win against him. He was doing so much for me. Too much. My skin would get tight, and my bones would get antsy if I thought about it too hard. And yet, with everything he did, I had nothing to give backto him. Well, more like he was too worried that I’d spiral if I did anything. I was worried about that, too, though.
The bedroom was nice. Small and cozy with one dresser and not too many corners for my eyes to play tricks on me with. When I woke up sometimes, I’d imagine Jude was in one of them. Watching and waiting for me to get up so he could grab me by the ankles and pull me down. I never let my legs out from under the blankets, protecting them from any danger. Like when he’d found my search history. Or when I’d disobeyed him and he’d grabbed me by the foot, throwing me onto the floor just before crawling on top of me and throwing his fist straight into my?—
Stop.
Since the first night he’d slept beside me, Crescent and I had an unspoken agreement that we’d keep doing that. I slept on the right side; he slept on the left. We each had our pillows and shared the same blanket. Having someone near me—someone I could trust—was enough to keep the terror closer to a baseline fear.
When Crescent came in, I was standing by the bed. I was sure I looked silly standing there, looking down at the mattress as if staring into a void. “Hey, I’ve got your pajama pants.”
