Jude pushed his plate aside and stood. “Clean up and come to bed.”
Right. There was no glittering water here. No mirage of a life so beautiful, I wouldn’t know what it’d entail. I lived a life of rules, regulations, and pure, plain despair.
I patted my pants pocket, reassuring myself of the paper there. No matter how much safer it made me feel, I still refused to believe I could have hope.
The blankets were tornoff me as something came within inches of my face, yelling over and over. “Get the fuck up! Get up!”
I opened my eyes, holding back a scream as I looked up at Jude. It was dark. So dark, I shouldn’t have been able to see his eyes, but I could. They glowed, his usual blue a betraying shade of blood red.
Angry.
So fucking angry.
Fingers curled around my ankle, pulling me off the mattress. “Wait!” I yelled far too late. My side crashed to the hardwood floor with a loudthunk. My breath was knocked out in a harsh and whiny wheeze. My lungs convulsed as I tried to gasp for air. All that came out were deep groans as I rolled to my stomach.
“Look at me.” Jude stepped in front of me. I could feel his toes brushing against my arm. “I said look at me, damn it!”
Sudden, bright light blinded me. He’d turned the lamp on, forcing my body to emerge from the safety of darkness. I closed my eyes on instinct, wincing before I remembered the order. Fighting the urge to curl in on myself, I opened them and peered up.
Jude stood, tall and terrifying. Each wrinkle he’d gained over the years had deepened, curling in on themselves, morphing into violent, vibrant waves of pure, unadulterated fucking anger. “When did you start talking to him again?”
Right as I’d gotten my breath back, it was gone again. Anypain I’d felt from hitting the ground went silent as my whole body turned numb. A fuzzy, ringing sound began in my head and ears. Like static with a bell jingling in the background.
“Answer me!”
I flinched away from the sound of his voice, focusing on the ground below me instead. “Who?”
“Don’t act fucking stupid, Elio.” Jude crouched down to my level. I kept my eyes on his knees, bent to accommodate his crouched position.
I counted each hair on his knee. Every indentation. The tiny little scar still there from when he skidded across the concrete as a kid. Once upon a time, I had known this man. Now, as his hand around my neck forced me to look up, I realized the eyes I loved so dearly belonged to a demon now.
“I went through your phone, baby. I saw your search history.” His fingers dug into my skin, squeezing. I coughed, even though I knew it wouldn’t help. “Crescent fucking Miller, huh?”
My back hit the floor as he threw me to the side. I wrapped my arms around myself instinctively. “I’m so-sorry.” It came out as a cry and a cough, harmonizing to a tune of pain.
The floorboards creaked, the sound deafening as Jude stood to tower over me. “Too fucking late to be sorry, Elio.” He grabbed me by the waistband of my pants, pulling me across the floor. “I thought we were done with him.” He stepped over me, positioning himself just above my hips. “I thought I got rid of that problem years ago. Yet here you are, sneaking around behind my fucking back. Is he why you were late that day? Huh?”
Jude sat on top of me, and then the first punch landed. Straight to my nose. My already bruised nose. “Please, I’m sorry!” He didn’t hear me. Or, well, he’d silenced me with another punch.
And another.
And another.
A slap here, a slap there, a deafening crunch of my nose just before he picked my head up with both hands, screamed in my face, and slammed it back against the floor.
Pounding.
He loves me.
Ringing in my ears.
He loves me not.
Too much. It hurt too much.
He loves me.
Jude stood from my body, leaving me to roll, groan, and cry in agony. I began to crawl, making my way toward the doorway. I didn’t know if Jude just didn’t notice, or if he didn’t care, or if he had decided to let it happen, but he didn’t follow me.
