I smiled, grateful that I could give him a moment of happiness. Questions festered at the back of my throat, just on the tip of my tongue. I didn’t want to overstep, yet the fear of overstepping had led to our downfall in the past. I continued eating, albeit in silence amongst the loud sounds of him shoveling food into his mouth.
My mom’s recipes came in handy once I left the safety of my parents’ home. Too many attempts at cooking, only to end up with nothing more than charcoal, had me begging her to write them down and send step-by-step videos on how to make them.
Moon got the cooking gene, having no issue replicating things he saw on Instagram without even looking at theingredients list. To say I was a bit envious would be an understatement.
Elio kicked back in his seat, leaning backward with a hand on his stomach. “Fuck, that was good. Tasted just like I remember.”
Chuckling, I looked down at my plate, realizing I’d only gotten through about half of my burger. I wasn’t a slow eater, either.
Despite my better judgment, I let the question on my tongue slip out. “Does he let you eat?”
Silence. Something I hate more than anything. When it’s silent, things are harder to ignore. Like the whispering starting in the hallway to my bedroom and bathroom behind me. Or the chants starting by the kitchen sink. When it’s silent, I’m on higher alert. It’s harder to pretend the shadows don’t exist, or that they aren’t closing in on me with each second that passes. I needed to start bringing my earbuds with me everywhere again.
Elio slowly started to shake his head. “We have… house rules.”
I scrunched my face, realizing far too late how it might look to him. “House rules?”
“Uh, yeah.” He sounded hesitant. There was a pause between each syllable. “You know. I get his things ready before he goes to work, clean the house while he’s gone, get dinner ready by the time he’s home. Some days, I can have a snack. Others, I have to wait for him to be home, and we eat dinner together. Or I just don’t have anything.” He shrugged, as if this was the most normal information in the entire world. As if food wasn’t a basic human necessity. “I’m not allowed to leave the house unless he says I can, either. If I run fast enough, I can run to the park if he gets really bad, and he won’t follow me. Otherwise, I just sneak out when he’s asleep.”
What in the fuck was I supposed to say to that? Every single word that had left his mouth only fueled the anger stored within me. If I’d listened to what my gut said about Jude when we were teenagers, maybe I wouldn’t be conjuring up ways to sneak Elio food to keep him from starving.
Pushing my plate away, I watched him eye it as it slid against the wooden table. My stomach felt sour and heavy. “House rules are something you give to a roommate, or children. Equal housework is what you compromise on with your partner. And none of it should ever include a restriction on basic human fucking needs, or any of that other bullshit.”
He pulled in on himself further, shifting in his seat. I watched his eyes drift away, avoiding contact with mine. “It’s all I’ve known my entire adult life, Cres. Logically, I know it’s bad. You think I haven’t looked at happy couples walking down the street and wondered why that couldn’t be us?” He scoffed. “I know all too well how shitty this situation is. There just isn’t anything I can do about it.”
“If you were given the chance, would you leave?”
Elio’s mouth parted, his jaw hanging open. “What?”
“If I find a way,” I slowly pushed my plate and glass of water toward him. “Would you leave him and stay with me or something like that?”
The forest of his eyes clouded with rain. A downpour of epic proportions, plumes of steam from the humidity washing over his usually vibrant irises. He blinked slowly before reaching for my half-eaten burger. “I’ve never had the opportunity to even think about it.”
“Think about it, then.”
He took a few bites, slower this time. “It’s never been a possibility. I just accepted I’d be stuck until I died.”
“Or until he killed you.” I winced, even as the words rushed out of me.
The final bite of the burger hung frozen in his hand, paused right in front of his mouth as he processed what I’d said. “I… can think about it. I can’t promise the answer would be yes. I told you already—I don’t want to get the police involved.”
Nodding, I took our empty plates to the kitchen. I hesitated just before walking to the kitchen sink and placing them in it. “All I ask is that you think about it. Just remember that I want to try. I’m willing to try. I don’t care about anything else, as long as I can try.”
“I know.” He sighed. “I think I should go home now, but I appreciate the food.”
I checked the time on my phone. We still had plenty of time before Jude got home, but I wasn’t sure what else Elio had to do.
Grabbing my keys, I started to turn out the lights on our way through to the front door. “We’ll meet again tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yeah, Jude works tomorrow, so it’ll probably be the same time.”
“Just keep my number on you.”
“I will.”
The driveback to the park was quiet. It infected me, pushing everything back to the front that I’d been trying to ignore the entire night. Shadows stalked me in the treelines, mocking me in the reflection of the car windows.
Thankfully, my earbuds were already charged when Igot home. I didn’t have a TV in my bedroom, so I put them in to drown out some of the incessant whispering that was following me.
