He pulled at his chin, gripping the short, neat beard there. “Since I got old. Now, come on, I wanna take this nasty apron off and change out of my work clothes.”
Reluctantly, I stood and followed him to his car, which was just low enough that I had to bend forward to fit into the passenger side. It smelled strongly of pine, sharp and offensive at first.
“Just step on anything over there. Sorry for the mess.”
I looked down, pressing my foot into an empty bag from some fast food place. Crescent was never the cleanest guy in the world. I never was either, to be fair. Not until Jude came up with our house rules.
We pulled out of the small parking space in front of Love ’n Sugar, driving the opposite direction I’d go to get home. We were silent for a minute, my attention on the outside world as we passed it by. I liked watching the trees whiz past us, different shades of green swirling into one big, hazy color I couldn’t keep up with.
Metal glinted in the sun just ahead. When I focused on it, I noticed it was the guardrails of the same bridge I’d been on the first night Crescent and I met again. Everything in front of me went blurry as my eyes unfocused, staring atnothing yet everything at the same time, memories racing across my vision. Crescent’s panicked voice, screaming as he pulled me down, his grip tight enough around my stomach to make me cough.
The daisy petals as they disappeared into the water below.
The fish I never got to keep company.
The wings I never spread.
Crescent cleared his throat from the driver’s side, catching my attention. “So,” he began, “was it because you were late? That Jude… hurt you that bad.”
I hummed, stalling for a moment. Telling him felt like a broken rule. As if Jude would pop up out of nowhere, take my face into his hands, and slap me until I gave in to whatever he wanted me to do.
Shrugging, I looked back out the window beside me. “I was late, I hadn’t cleaned well enough, I didn’t have dinner ready. I mean, it’s always a lot of things all at once. I somehow manage to fuck up everything instead of just one thing.”
“You didn’t fuck anything up. He’s just an asshole.”
An asshole? Maybe. Was it deserved? That was arguable. Wasn’t the definition of insanity the act of doing something over and over and expecting different results?
A shy smile tugged at my lips regardless, though I held it in on the off-chance Jude could telepathically hear the agreement in my mind. “Sure, we’ll go with that.”
Crescent pulled into the entrance of an apartment complex, zipping through the large parking lot much faster than I would usually be comfortable with. “Do you seriously not think he is? Dude, he beat the shit out of you because of some chores.”
I didn’t respond. Or maybe I couldn’t. Maybe theknowledge that what Jude did to me was wrong wasn’t enough to counteract the subservience I felt toward him.
Strong and tall, a force to be reckoned with. Much like a demon, or perhaps a terrifying, made-up monster, Jude had the ability to instill fear even when he wasn’t visible.
In the driver’s seat, Crescent sighed before pulling his keys out of the ignition. The trek up the metal staircase was silent and strained, thanks to me. Something kept whispering to me as we walked up. It was in my chest, its volume rising as it tried to warn me what a bad idea this was.
As Crescent unlocked his front door, it grew even louder. The memory of the last time I was in his space haunted me, old ghosts and vengeful spirits gathering around to mock my silence and hesitance. Each one served a different purpose, holding a reminder that would only humiliate me.
The creak of the door hinges slowly opening was deafening, much too loud for my ears to process. It echoed, the reverberation shaking my bones so hard I started to worry they’d push through my skin if I didn’t hold onto them. My hand automatically went to my arm, pinning it against my chest to try to keep them all in place.
Would Jude be able to smell him on me? The essence of his home, would it follow me back to my cell?
Crescent turned toward me, already halfway through the entrance’s hallway. He’d turned a light on, soft golden tint falling on his skin. One of his eyebrows turned down further than the other as he looked at me. “You coming?”
The teenage version of him I had in my mind had nothing on the man standing before me now. I still couldn’t wrap my head around what a few years had done for him. I walked over the threshold.
I tried to relax my muscles, to find an ounce of strength to man the fuck up and stop freaking out over walking into aminefield. A minefield of ghosts and memories I was fucking terrified to face.
I walked further, closing the door behind me and bracing for the subsequentclick.
I let out a breath, forcing the invisible wings stuck between my shoulder blades to relax. They were getting ahead of themselves, clinging to the safety of being in Crescent’s presence. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t logical. With so much fucking fear racing and mixing inside of me, there was no room for anything else. No room for hope. No room for calm.
Crescent’s apartment smelled… nice. Like cinnamon and honey buns, a light air of vanilla wafting in the mix. I followed him through the apartment, looking around at the measly decorations scattered throughout. A few knick-knacks here, a random picture frame there.
“How do you feel about turkey burgers?”
I paused at the counter in front of his kitchen, watching him rummage through his fridge. “Like your mom used to make?”
