The side of my mouth started to curl into a half-smile as I thought about all the cat videos he’d shown me. Crescent had never owned a cat, but he’d always loved them. I’d painted him a watercolor orange tabby for his fourteenth birthday. It was still sitting on his dresser when I’d left the Miller house. I wondered if he still had it, or if he’d gotten rid of it the moment I got rid of myself.
“Elio!” Jude yelled down the hallway.
I looked up from the floor I was kneeling on. “Yes?”
“You got my shit ready?”
“Yes.”
Footsteps marched toward me, his shoes banging against the hardwood. When he spotted me, obediently sitting in front of the door, he smiled. It was wide and serene, like when we were kids. In that moment, he reminded me of who I fell in love with so long ago.
Jude bent down to cup the side of my face, his eyebrows falling. “Oh, sweetheart. You’re so swollen. Better put some ice on it when I leave.”
His hand was gentle and warm, his voice soothing and sweet. “I will. Thank you.”
He hummed and placed a light kiss on my lips. “Of course, baby. Thank you for getting my things together and being so well behaved today. You’re not gonna goanywhere, right? You’ll get everything done like you’re supposed to?”
I nodded.
“Good. I love you so much, Elio. I just want to help you—you know that, right?”
I nodded.
“You know you don’t have anyone else. I told you I’d always take care of you; you just have to take care of me, too, baby.”
“I know.”
You don’t have anyone else.
Jude gave me one more kiss before placing his thumb beside my nose, right where he’d punched me the night before last. “God, I hate seeing you like this. I’ll miss you while I’m gone.”
“I’ll miss you too.” It wasn’t a lie. I would miss him, but not the part of him that was always angry. I’d miss the kind, sweet, and funny Jude. The Jude holding my face right now, who I knew would change by tomorrow.
“I love you.” His thumb started to dig into my skin, forcing a hiss from my mouth. It stung against the tenderness there. “Be good for me, okay?”
Wincing, I tried to keep my voice level. “I love you, too. I will be.” Another lie.
He dug his thumb further in, dragging it down my face until he came to my chin. Lifting my head up, he looked between my eyes, the sweet, loving version of himself that he’d been feeding me disappearing all together. His smile was gone, replaced with a cold, steely expression burning with anger. Anger and hatred. Hatred for me. Perhaps even some disgust.
And then he let me go, making my head drop, my chin almost touching my chest. “Wait until dinner to eatanything. You can use some ice for your face, but if I see anything else missing, we’ll have to rehash the rules.”
Before I could say anything else, he was gone. The door opened, the sunlight filtering through an assault on my eyes, yet warm on my skin. I wanted to leave, but the only reason I had for leaving would be Crescent, and he wouldn’t be off work until around two.
Sighing, I stood from the floor and started my chores. After my little stint the other day, Jude had beaten the fear of overstepping into me. I was eight minutes late getting home, and though the living room always looked pristine, Jude knew I hadn’t vacuumed, and to top it all off, I hadn’t cooked dinner.
Infraction after infraction piled together. I knew I wasn’t allowed to leave the house. Usually, if I ran out while he was angry, he’d lock me out of the house like he had the first night I saw Crescent.
I’d rather sleep on the porch or in the backyard than go through what I went through that night. He’d exploded, yelling and screaming, dragging me by the longer part of my hair, and hitting me. When his fists got tired, he’d used a hardcover book and his feet. A lot of my wounds were on my torso, making it easier to hide the extent of what happened when I met up with Cres later.
The next morning, he’d put me in the corner, forcing me on my knees and continuing the torment well into the afternoon. He was off work, so he had all the time in the world to teach me a lesson.
When he fell asleep, I’d been exhausted but in too much pain to sleep with him, so I snuck out. I hadn’t expected to find Crescent there.
I was glad he was.
I was angry he was.
I didn’t fully understand how I felt about it, but seeing afamiliar face after everything was more comforting than I thought it would be.
