Jamie swiped at his face, standing so fast the bench creaked behind him. He was going to find him. He was going to look Spencer right in the eye and ask why. Why turn in that application? Why not just say he wanted someone else? Why let Jamie believe everything was fine, that what they had still mattered?
But the fairgrounds were a maze of flashing lights and noise, and somewhere between the food stands and the rides, Jamie realized he had no idea where he was. The crowd pressed and swirled around him, and his stomach twisted tighter with every step. He’d lost track of the direction back to Alfie. He didn’t even know which way Spencer had gone.
By the time he found the Christmas train display, the fight had drained out of him. Tiny engines chugged through miniature villages dusted in fake snow, the kind of thing he would’ve loved to look at before all this. Now it just made him feel smaller.
Jamie sank onto another bench, staring blankly at the toy train as it looped around the tracks again and again, steady and sure, always knowing where it was going. Unlike him.
He wiped at his face again, his heart heavy and confused. He’d meant to confront Spencer, but all he’d found was a deeper kind of lost—one that nomap could fix.
Chapter Twelve
Spencer
Spencer shuffled forward in the line, breath fogging in the chilly air, hands stuffed deep in his coat pockets. The smell of French fries and sizzling hot dogs filled the air—comfort food and chaos all rolled into one. Nathan stood beside him, rocking on his heels, looking far too smug for a man who hadn’t even eaten yet.
“So,” Nathan said, glancing over, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look that happy before.”
Spencer blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Nathan said, smirking, “you’ve dated before, but not like this. I’ve never seen you kiss anyone in public. Ever.”
Spencer huffed out a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, well…Jamie’s different.”
“Different how?”
Spencer hesitated, eyes flicking toward the stand where a guy was piling fries into paper boats. “I don’t know. He’s just—real. Kind of fragile sometimes, but he still tries, you know? And I’m… falling. Hard. Head over heels, no brakes, no safety gear.”
Nathan let out a low whistle. “That serious, huh?”
“Yeah.” Spencer smiled a little, almost shy. “I don’t want to give him up to anyone else. I’ve actually got an idea of how to keep him at the party.”
Nathan arched an eyebrow. “Keep him?”
“Not like that,” Spencer said quickly, then grinned. “Okay, maybe a little like that. But I mean, Jamie needs something steady. He needs someone who won’t walk away. I think he needs me more than he even wants me right now. But he responds to me—he listens, he trusts. I think I can make him happy.”
Nathan nodded slowly, expression thoughtful. Then he asked, “What if Tom shows up at the mixer?”
Spencer shrugged, sliding his hands deeper into his coat. “I’m not worried. If Tom shows, I don’t think Jamie’ll want him. Not after everything.”
Their turn came up, and they ordered—four hot dogs, two large fries, and enough ketchup packets to make Alfie feel safe. Spencer carried the tray, balancing the drinks while Nathan grabbed napkins.
When they got back to the table, only Alfie was sitting there, poking holes in a napkin with a straw.
Spencer frowned. “Where’s Jamie?”
Alfie looked up suddenly sheepishly. “Uh… he went to the bathroom. I think he got upset. Probably at something I said.”
Nathan narrowed his eyes. “What exactly did you say?”
Alfie fidgeted. “I told him I saw his application, and that we shared the same needs. But he said he never applied or filled anything out. So now he thinks maybe… Spencer did it. And he got upset.”
Spencer froze, his stomach dropping like on a bad carnival ride.
Nathan crossed his arms, voice sharpening. “Alfie, that list wasn’t for you to look at, let alone talk about. You’re in serious trouble for that.”
Alfie ducked his head, guilt flashing across his face. “I didn’t mean—”
“Eat,” Spencer cut in, his tone gentler but distracted. “Both of you. I’ll find him.”
