“Those got heavy by the fifth step,” Faith said, nodding toward the front door. She’d lugged them all the way up the stairs by herself.
“Remember how my house had that big staircase in front?” Nan said.
Faith did remember. Nan had an old house—white with black shutters, and windows so tall that entire trees were visible through them. It had a wrap-around front porch, the boards thick with years of gray paint. She’d played there a lot when she was a child, every day in the afternoons when her mother worked and on weekends when they’d all get together as a family. The house faced west, on a hill, so it had a steep staircase going up to the front door, and on summer nights, Casey and Faith would sit on those steps and watch the sky turn orange as the sun slipped below the pines.
“John used to carry things up the steps for me because I could hardly get up them with just myself.” She paused, remembering something. Faith waited, wishing she could read her mind. “Those are the kinds of things I noticed once he was gone. We’d bought that house when we’d gotten married, and I’d lived in it my entire adult life. I remember one particular night after John died when I stood at the bottom of those steps with an armful of herbs in little pots. I was going to put them inside in my kitchen window. They weren’t heavy, but I had quite a few of them—you know how I like rosemary,” she said, smiling. “I remember as clear as if it were yesterday. I turned around to hand one to John because he always walked up on my left side. I don’t know why he did that, and I hadn’t realized it until that moment. I turned, waiting to see his face, and I was alone. He wasn’t there, of course. My life after John died is made up of a million little moments like those.”
She ached for Nan. She couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for her. Faith felt a heaviness in her chest. She’d never loved anyone like that. She wondered how it would feel to know someone so well that something as simple as walking up a staircase could be anticipated down to the very steps he took. But these stories of her grandpa taught her thatthatwas the sort of love she wanted to have.
Nan had talked a lot about John lately—more than she ever had. In the past, she’d mentioned him in conversation, but she’d never shared her feelings like she was now. She knew that Nan wanted to be with him, but she ached at the thought of losing her.
“What’s in all those bags?” Nan asked.
“Oh. Mom told me to get supplies for your party next week.”
“All of that is for me?”
“You know how Mom is.”
“Yes. I do. I’ll humor her.”
“I can hear y’all,” her mom said through the screen door in the living area that led to the porch. She was sitting in one of the rocking chairs, her back to them. “I hope you bought paper plates.” Faith couldn’t see her face, but she could tell by her mother’s tone that she wasn’t really bothered even though she was pretending to be.
“And matching cups,” Faith said, giggling. “I even got us all birthday paper cone hats. They say ‘Happy Birthday’ in primary colors,” she teased.
Her mom didn’t respond, but Faith was almost certain that if she could see her mother, she’d be smiling.
Faith reached into one of the bags and pulled out a small photo album. “I also got us a bunch of these.” She flipped the pages with her thumb like a deck of cards. “We can start sorting your photos.”
“Let’s wait until everyone’s here.”
“Whatever you want. You’re the birthday girl.” She pulled the bags filled with the albums along the floor until they rested near the box of photos. She’d barely sat down before she heard Isabella’s voice.
“We had so much fun!” Casey nearly sang just after bursting through the door ahead of Isabella. “Jake is a great guy.”
Faith was glad to see her sister rejuvenated and happy, but there was a feeling gnawing at the back of her mind, making it hard for her to breathe. It took her a minute to place it. It was fear. She tried not to let it come through, but it was getting bigger and bigger, the words loud in her head as she tried unsuccessfully to ignore them—that she wasn’t good enough. Scott had chosen Casey. Would Jake do the same?
Jake was easy to like, and Casey would be far better suited to his lavish lifestyle. She probably wouldn’t even flinch at it. They’d had a great time together—Casey’d said they had fun, and even if she hadn’t, she could tell by Casey’s face. This wasn’t how Faith had been after her date with Jake. Had Faith been too quiet for him? Had she not shared enough about herself? He’d ended their date with the dreaded, “Let’s be friends” comment.
“We found common ground when we realized we both had broken relationships. He got divorced two years ago.” Casey turned and faced Faith directly. “Did you know that his wife left him because she said he didn’t communicate? Jake? Not communicating? I can’t imagine that!” Isabella ran to find Martha downstairs to show her a piece of driftwood she’d found that Jake had let her bring home.
Faith forced a smile, but this bit about communication didn’t surprise her. It was true that Jake was very open in general conversation, but he’d left her at the end of that night feeling confused and not really understanding what he was thinking, so she could understand why his wife may have felt that way. The problem was, Faith was a listener. She was good at sitting back and letting those around her get out what they needed to say. She was a quiet leader, and she wasn’t sure how she was going to handle things, but she wanted to make Jake communicate.
Seeing Casey so full of life, bright, upbeat after being out with Jake stirred up old emotions in side her, and, unexpectedly, she was angry. Angry at him for not explaining himself more. No. She zeroed in on Casey’s perfectly glossed smiling lips. She was angry with Casey. Casey could go along with her life without ever feeling the kind of fear that she’d created in Faith. She’d betrayed her sister in the very worst way, and now, her every move with Jake rubbed Faith the wrong way. She was still furious with Casey, and Jake’s actions irritated her as well.
“And! He’s invited me to a party tomorrow! A big one!” Casey smiled at Faith, but Faith wasn’t smiling. She was scowling—she could feel it. Casey’s face dropped. “You okay?”
Not only had Jake spent time with Casey today, he’d had so much fun that he’d wanted to see her for a second time. That was more than he’d offered Faith. It was no different now than when they were kids. Why did this kind of thing happen to Faith? Casey always came out on top. And Casey wasn’t doing anything to stop it. What if Jake was the perfect Prince Charming to help Casey get over Scott?
“No.”
Nan excused herself, leaving just the two of them in the living room.
“What’s wrong?”
Faith dared not admit her early feelings for Jake to Casey. It hadn’t ended well the last time she’d tried that. They’d all moved on, but Faith still didn’t feel like she could trust Casey. How terrible to not be able to trust her own sister.
Casey’s face was full of worry now. “I said you and Mom and Nan should come too.”
