“Well, hello.” His smile looks forced as he hugs Sawyer.
“Dad, this is my boyfriend Jamie. He’s a rower like Brad, and he’s been helping me cope. We decided at the last minute he should come home with me. I hope that’s all right?”
“Of course.” He extends a hand and I shake it, noting it’s as cold as a deep water fish. “I just got back myself.” His gaze travels from Sawyer to me and lingers. “Have you eaten?”
“No, and Jamie’s probably starving.”
Both of them look at me. It takes a moment for me to remember I’m hungry. All my concentration is focused on keeping myself in check so I don’t reach out and grab the man by the throat. “I’m all right.”
His brown eyes crinkle at the edges as he smiles. I manage not to recoil, but only just.
“Oh, I doubt that, Jamie,” he says in an amiable tone. “Young men in training need fuel. My son was like a coal stove, always had to keep shoveling fuel in. Speaking of which, I’ll bring some wood in for a fire, and after you drop your bags, you start on lunch, Sawyer.”
“I’ll get the wood,” I hear myself say. Distance and cold air will do me good. At least my voice sounded steady enough. Everything I’m feeling is just below the surface, but I think I’ve kept it hidden so far. “Show me where you want it.”
Allendale offers me a smile that turns my blood to ice. I’ve seen his pleased smile before. He had it when he scooped Jude up and hauled him to the road. Reflexively, my fingers close into a fist. I force my hand back open, hoping I manage to hide my bitter scowl.
“Here, Jamie,” Sauce says, touching my arm. “Come with me, so we can unpack first.”
“You in your room, Sawyer, and Jamie in the guest room with the burgundy bedspread.”
I don’t like the sound of my name from his mouth or that he uses it so freely.
“Of course, Dad,” Sawyer says quickly. When she tries to reach for the handle of her suitcase, I shake my head and grab it.
Following her up the stairs, I continue to battle with myself. To be this close is even harder than I imagined.
She stops at a door. “This one is mine.”
The minute I set her suitcase inside and turn, I’ve already forgotten what the room looks like. My entire focus is trapped between the past and what I need to do.
“Jamie?”
Looking over my shoulder, my gaze drops to her face. “Yes?”
“This way.” She walks down the hall and opens the door to a guest room with a double bed with a white lace skirt hanging around its base like a barrister’s collar.
I drop my duffles on the floor, and Sawyer puts a hand on my arm.
“Are you okay?”
With a sharp nod, I say, “Don’t I seem all right?”
“You’re quiet and distracted. I wondered whether you still think it’s him? Or if you might be questioning that?”
My gaze flicks to the open doorway, and I shrug. “Show me the door to the backyard, so I can grab the wood.”
Following my eye-line, she glances over her shoulder and then back at me. “Sure. The back door is downstairs.”
After we head down, I go out and collect a stack of logs.
Once I’ve brought plenty of wood inside, I set some in the holder next to the hearth and a few in the fireplace.
“Thank you.”
At the sound of Allendale’s voice behind me, I rise from my knee and turn. I’m a few inches taller and much more fit. Comparing him to the memory I’ve got of him, he hasn’t aged well. There are bags under his eyes that could store loose coins now, and he’s thicker, especially around the middle. He may be stronger than he appears, but I reckon one good punch to the gut would bring him to his knees. I’d like to deliver it. Or a strong crack to the jaw to keep him from smiling for a good long time.
“Sawyer hasn’t had a chance to tell me about you.” His smile is hollow now. “How long have you been dating?”
