“The other piece was that I told his girlfriend, who also happened to be my sister. She was outraged at first. Until she listened to ‘his side of the story’ where he claimed he couldn't remember anything. He said, if a test proved we’d had sex, we must have been flirting and then had consensual sex. He said it was a terrible thing to doto her,and he was sorry. He said I must feel really guilty, and that’s probably why I was saying it was all his fault.” Mom shakes her head. “He wassucha good liar. My sister just kept saying things like, ‘He doesn’t need to rape anyone. He has a girlfriend to do things with.Me. And he’s really good-looking and popular. Even if I wasn’t with him, he wouldn’t need to trick you or anyone into having sex with him. What you’re saying just doesn’t make sense, Sheri.’”
A cold harder than ice enters her voice. It matches her expression. “The truth is some guys just want more than they have. In the weeks leading up to the rape, I felt something shift. When we were alone, he flirted with me. I became very uncomfortable around him. I wish I’d never gone to his place. I thought it would be okay because there were other people there, and my sister was on her way. But he wanted what he wanted, and he manipulated the situation so he could do what he did. The hardest part was not being able to get justice, onanylevel. My family didn't want it to be true, so they acted like it wasn't. They moved on and told me to stop talking about it. He got away with it completely. Zero consequences.”
Her voice is more broken now, and my eyes sting. I’m so angry on her behalf. No wonder we never see her parents or her sister.
“I did eventually find a way to cope,” she says, biting a nail that’s been stripped of polish. “I went to a support group and met a whole bunch of other girls. Not being alone, being believed, having people agree that itisa crime andisa big deal when a guy does that…it saved me. So many of their stories were like my own. ‘I got drunk and woke up naked and no longer a virgin.’ ‘He gave me a pill, and I woke up naked and then was pregnant.’ ‘I woke up in the middle and couldn’t stop it.’ ‘He got me alone at a party and held a hand over my mouth while he raped me. Afterward, he went back out and had beers with his friends.’ ‘He held me down. I couldn’t fight him off. Too much bigger. Too much stronger. Against him, I had no chance.’”
I swallow against my dry throat. A tear spills over my lashes, and I wipe it slowly away.
“That’s why I never, ever wanted you out of my sight. Not at pageants or anywhere there were strange men around. I kept my eye on you every minute. But when you got older, I couldn’t always be with you. All I could do was warn you to be careful.”
She draws in a shuddering breath and a little sob escapes. “I got involved with Ethan, who I just loved and trusted. He’s the best guy. When I confided in him, he never, ever questioned whether I wore a short skirt or tight sweater or a million other things idiotic people ask you when you've been assaulted. Ethan never made excuses for the boy. What Ethan said was that he wished he had been my lawyer, because he would have made sure there were charges filed. No way would that prick would have gotten away scot-free.”
My mom’s cuticle is bleeding. She gets up and grabs a paper towel to staunch the blood. “While we were dating, Ethan and I talked about his teenage son, who Ethan worried about. He said he was doing everything he could to raise his son to be a good man but confided that the boy had some troubling tendencies. After his mom left, the boy was never the same happy kid he had been. He got into a lot of fights. He had difficulty controlling his temper. And once during an argument, Shane admitted he blamed Ethan for letting his mother leave. Ethan told him he’d tried to convince her to stay and go to counseling, and that he’d started working less so he could spend more time with her. But in the end, it didn’t work because she’d already fallen in love with someone else. He told Shane he’d been willing to try anything, but she wasn’t. And Shane said Ethan should’ve forced her. Shane said some men wouldn't just let their wife leave like that. If another man was in the picture, they’d have gotten rid of him. Ethan said he knew that was coming straight from the mouth of Shane’s grandfather, an Irish mobster.”
I grimace, wondering whether what she’s saying is true. Would Mr. Sullivan keep a wife prisoner? And kill her lover to eliminate the competition? Some of Shane’s words come rushing back.Other guys won’t risk a confrontation with me.
“I was scared of Shane’s other family. I still am,” my mom says. “Ethan said we wouldn’t have to see them. He’d already taken measures to limit Shane’s visits with his maternal grandfather. I thought everything would be all right. Ethan and I got engaged, and I flew to Boston to meet Shane. He turned out to be my worst nightmare. Charming, popular, handsome, star athlete, all the friends. He was great on the surface, but I knew that was his cover. He had scuff marks on his knuckles that he lied about. Ethan knew he was still getting into fights, but they weren’t on school property, so there was no way to prove it. Ethan tried to talk to him, but by then, Shane was a very smooth liar. And if Ethan pushed too much, Shane became very cocky, saying he could handle his own business. Here was a kid who didn’t think he needed to answer to anyone. And he was the biggest person in the house. It was terrifying.”
She looks at me with sorrow in her eyes. “I watched him watch you, Ave. Anytime he thought no one was paying attention, his eyes followed you, like he was lying in wait. I love Ethan so much, but there were days when I just wanted to grab your hand and pull you out of the house. I felt, down to my bones, that if he got a chance to take advantage of you, he would. It was in my head all the time. I thought, ‘If we’re ever not here, my baby is not going to be safe.’”
I jump from my chair and go over to hug her. “I’m sorry you were so afraid, Mom. And I’m so sorry about what happened to you, and that you never got justice.”
She hugs me tightly, silently, and a part of me twists into knots with grief at all she’s been through.
“After the morning of the misunderstanding…the way he cut everyone off and made everyone feel so wretched. I get it. He felt angry and betrayed. But the ruthless way he got even with me was by hurting you guys, and that’s how I know he can’t be trusted. He destroyed your reputation at school and refused to see Ethan. It broke my heart for you both. And then I thought things were finally getting better, and you were going to get a fresh start at college. Until you and Ethan decided on Granthorpe. Now Shane is back in the picture, older and more dangerous than ever.”
I’m torn between wanting to defend him and knowing I can’t honestly deny that Shane is dangerous.
“Shane’s a complicated person.” My arms tighten around her. “But he wouldn’t hurt me the way you think.”
“Not the way I think? But in other ways, right? He already has. And now you’re alone in a house with him.” Her voice is so soft and so filled with dread. “I’m scared all over again. Please come home. I’m begging you, Ave. If not for your sake, then for mine.”
I stroke her back and squeeze, my eyes stinging. “I’m okay. I promise. And I will be home in just a few days. I’ve got my presentation and a couple of exams and I’m done. Please try not to worry. Shane’s not going to hurt me.”
“You say that, but—”
“Mom, listen.” I pull back and make my voice firm, leaning against the counter, so I can look her in the eye. “You’ve told me everything, and I’m so glad. Thank you for trusting me with your story. But Shane is not the guy he reminds you of. I know how to handle Shane.” That’s a huge exaggeration, but I make it sound true. “Please don’t treat him like a criminal. Innocent until proven guilty, remember?”
“I’m not a lawyer. I’m just a worried mom.”
“Keep an open mind, okay? For Ethan and me? Because when we treated Shane like he was guilty of something he didn’t do, it hurt him just as much as it hurt you to be treated like a liar. Remember how you felt when your sister didn’t believe you? To feel like your family betrayed you? That’s how he feels. And in his case, the police came. He was worried he might get railroaded into jail because of your accusations. Ones thatweren’ttrue.”
For an instant, she looks stricken. “I wasn’t trying to hurt him.”
“None of us were, butwe did. And when you act suspicious of him now, it reminds him of the past and that he can’t trust the people who are supposed to love him. I don’t think you want to be a person who inflicts that kind of trauma.”
“Of course not,” she says quickly.
“Okay, so try to keep an open mind. I’m an adult. If I start to feel unsafe around him, I’ll leave. But so far, his house is the only place near school where I do feel safe.”
She squeezes my hand. “Just come home.”
“I will. Soon.”
My mom hugs me again, holding on so tightly I’m not sure she’s ever going to let go.
26
