NINE
HAWTHORN
Three days into Christmas week and I was drowning in sugar cookies, gingerbread, fruitcakes, specialty breads and custom orders that kept piling up. The phone rang constantly, and customers streamed through the door from opening until close. I was running on four hours of sleep and too much coffee.
Through it all, Zale was here, doing what he always did and trying to take the load off my shoulders. But his helpfulness was grating on me and I was irritated and grumbling under my breath.
It wasn’t fair because he was good at what he did and he didn’t get in my way but whenever I looked at him, his scent washed over me and I remembered having him in my bed. But we’d agreed to keep our relationship ’no-strings’ because that was what he wanted.
So I kept my distance and stayed professional. I acted as if my wolf wasn’t howling whether Zack was in the room or not. Pretending my chest wasn’t aching when I started into those blue eyes took all my strength.
It was easier to fall back into the old patterns. Working alone was what I was used to and putting up an emotional barrier protected my heart.
"Hawthorn." Zale's voice cut through my thoughts. "The cookies are burning."
I cursed and grabbed the oven mitts, yanking out the tray. Two dozen cookies were ruined and I'd have to start again.
"I've got it," I snapped. "I don't need you to watch over my shoulder."
He didn’t reply. When I glanced at him, he was clenching his teeth, and I wanted to trail my finger over his jaw and tell him to stop.
"Right. Sorry."
He turned back to the dough he was rolling. The silence was heavy and oppressive and I was having trouble breathing.
My wolf paced restlessly inside me, telling me I was being an ass. He expected me to apologize to Zale and to fix whatever had broken between us. But I didn't know how to do that without admitting I was wrong about us. And that effort was destroying me.
An hour later, Zale brought me coffee. He set it down next to me without a word and turned away.
"You don't have to do that." It was my attempt at being nice but it came out wrong in a gruff voice.
"Do what?"
"Take care of me, and worry about whether I'm eating or sleeping." I wanted to take back the words but I kept on talking. "That's not part of the job."
He straightened his spine and I caught tears glistening in his eyes before he turned away.
"Noted."
He went back to work. I stared at the coffee he'd made me. My beast was right because I was a giant ass.
But this was better, wasn't it? Pushing him away now before we got in any deeper and my wolf convinced me we could have something real.
By mid-afternoon, I was ready to snap. Mrs. Channing needed fifty dinner rolls by five and the Arnold family wanted their Christmas cake early. And on top of that, someone had called about a last-minute wedding cake for New Year's Eve and I'd been foolish enough to say yes.
I was mixing royal icing when I realized I'd forgotten to add the vanilla. I swore and dumped the whole bowl in the garbage.
"Hey." Zale appeared at my elbow. "Why don't you take a break? I can handle that."
"I don't need a break."
"Hawthorn, you've been at this for twelve hours straight."
"I said I don't need a break." I absolutely did but I wasn’t admitting it to anyone, especially Zale. "I need to get these orders done."
"Let me help."
"You can't." The words exploded out of me. "You can't help because this is my bakery." Fury curled inside me and I fisted my hands. Deep inside, I knew I shouldn’t be shouting at him and instead I should have cradled him in my arms and said I was wrong and would he ever forgive me.The words in my head were infused with pain and anger and I couldn’t stop. "This is my bakery, and it’s my reputation on the line if something goes wrong."
