“I look hot every night, Lois. So do you. But Felix really outdid himself with this costume.”
Zane glanced down at the draped black fabric that revealed one shoulder, the one with the permanent indentation of Asa’s teeth and the temporary bruises the three men had left on him the night before while taking him apart a piece at a time. The marks throbbed faintly when he thought about them, like his body remembered even when his mind tried not to. It was a constant struggle to not get too worked up in public, especially when they all tried so hard to rile him.
Felix hadn’t gone with a cartoon version of Hades—that would have been far too basic—but instead created a look worthy of the god of the underworld. Lux draped fabric, gold accents, a skull crown with ruby eyes, and a skull mask that completed the look. He’d ditched the mask almost immediately. It was probably still somewhere downstairs, grinning up from a couch cushion or the floor.
“You like it?” Zane asked, sounding pathetically meek.
Asa wiggled his brows. “I’ll like taking you out of it even more.”
Zane sighed, deflating into his arms, resting his head on his shoulder. “I know you’re just trying to distract me. But I don’t think it’s gonna work this time.”
“Then why did you want me instead of your emotional-support Felix?” Asa asked, thick fingers settling at the base of Zane’s neck, rubbing slow circles that made him moan. He hadn’t even realized his head was pounding until Asa squeezed, releasing the pressure.
“Keep moaning like that, Lois, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself. You know what those little sounds do to me.”
Zane smiled against his collar. He did know. Even though Zane didn’t get it, Asa Mulvaney—the man who could have had anyone in the world—had chosen him.
Zane sighed. “I chose you because the emotion I’m feeling right now is something only you can fix.”
“Is that your way of telling me you’re horny?” Asa asked, light and cruel in the best way.
“It’s my way of telling you I’m scared,” Zane admitted, quiet enough that it might have been swallowed by the attic insulation.
Asa stiffened beneath him. “Scared? Of what? She can’t hurt you anymore. After tonight, you’re totally free of her. Forever. Why are you afraid?”
Zane shook his head against Asa’s shoulder, trying to calm himself. If he wasn’t careful he was going to crash land into a panic attack. He quickly walked himself through one of his therapy exercises.
Name five things you can see.His eyes darted around the space. The bed. The chair. The table. The lights. Asa.Four things you can touch.Asa. The wall. The floor. The ceiling.Three things you can smell.The tobacco and cedar of Asa’s expensive cologne, the faint scent of sweat on his skin, the musty scent of moth balls that just never faded, like the scent had permanently embedded itself in the home's DNA.Two things you can hear.The hum of the fan and the steady thud of Asa’s heartbeat.One thing you can taste. Helicked a stripe up Asa’s neck, watching goosebumps form in his wake. The tang of salt on his skin.
“Hungry, Lois?” He didn’t answer, just buried his face in his throat nuzzling right over his pulse. “Tell me what’s scaring you.”
Zane whimpered, then made a noise of frustration. “I don’t know. I just am. I can’t explain it. It’s like…never mind. It’s stupid.”
They were going to throw him in a nut house if he gave voice to the crazy in his head.
“You’re many things, Lois, but stupid is not one of them. Talk to me.”
“You’ll think I’m crazy.”
“I already think you’re crazy. But you’re in good company,” Asa said, combing Zane’s curls, then squeezing his neck again and again in a way that had Zane’s toes curling.
He wanted to clamp his mouth shut, to keep the crazy pressed down where it wouldn’t pull, but the noise inside would hollow him out if he didn’t let some of it out. “What if she dies and she still doesn’t stop.”
“What do you mean?” Asa’s voice sharpened only enough to show he was paying attention. “Like…what if she haunts you?”
Asa didn’t mock him. If anything, he sounded concerned.
“Gage did,” Zane said softly.
Asa was quiet for a long moment, thinking, feeling the weight of Zane’s words. He watched Asa’s jaw tick. He pressed his thumb to the spot behind Zane’s ear as if he could press the fear down.
“Do you really think it was Gage talking to you? Or did your brain find a way to make sense of losing the only family member you trusted?” Asa asked, gentle and blunt in the same breath.
Zane’s nose felt stuffy; his head throbbed like a drum. More tears came even though he thought there were none left. “I don’t know. I just miss hearing his voice. And if it gets replaced with hers…” His voice broke on the last word.
“It won’t.”
The denial was simple and sure, totally Asa, as if now that he’d declared it, the universe wouldn’t dare defy him. Zane’s whole body shook as sobs racked him. “What if when she dies, she haunts me forever? What if she finds a way to get to me even after she”—he swallowed on the word—“dies.”
