God, the others were right. Mal was…unwell. How had Nico not seen it before? And why didn’t he care?
“The hours we spent talking, hanging out, watching anime, watching horror movies. Do you even like anime? Are you…are you evenyou?” he managed, voice barely above a whisper, prepared for his heart to shatter into a million pieces if it was all a lie.
Mal frowned, his face adorably confused. “I never lied to you. That’s the whole point. I’ve never had to lie to you. From our very first conversation, I knew you were my ideal match. I love anime. I love horror movies. I love watching nature documentaries with you and bed rotting with you. I like cooking for you, texting you all day, dancing at the club with our friends. I love talking to you about everything and nothing. I only show my real self to you. I only started to understand my real self when I met you.”
“Shiloh was right. You’re so crazy,” Nico mumbled, running his fingers through Mal’s thick hair.
“Should I go sleep on the couch?” Mal asked, sounding like a kicked puppy.
Nico wrapped his legs around Mal’s hips, fear lancing through him. “No. Don’t. I’m—I’m just…processing.”
Mal smiled. “Okay.”
Mal might be crazy, but he was Nico’s. He required him like he required air. “Why are you telling me all this now?”
His stomach churned as Mal pushed his curls off his forehead. “I just…couldn’t help myself. After you kissed me, it just felt like it was time. Do you wish I hadn’t?”
Did he? Was life better twenty-four hours ago when he was still in the dark, smug in the knowledge that Mal only loved him? What had really changed?
Nico shook his head. “No, but now, I’m worried that I don’t really know you…” Nico admitted, inexplicably clinging to him harder.
Mal shook his head, his touch featherlight as he stroked his thumb across Nico’s lip. “It’s the opposite, really. Now, you know everything. I’m still all the things that made me your best friend.”
“Is—Is this just some personality thing you’re trying on for the night? If it is, tell me now. You know I don’t care.”
Mal shook his head adamantly. “That’s not it. No matter who I am when I wake up, I still take care of you. It’s the one constant in my life. It anchors me somehow. You know?”
Did he?
“I think so,” he finally said.
“You make me better. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I could be more…direct. I wish I could somehow merge all the random parts of myself into one cohesive person that would make people more comfortable. But my brain doesn’t work like that.”
Nico’s insides twisted. He knew how much Mal struggled with all the noise in his head. “You don’t have to do that for me. You don’t have to be that for me.”
Mal cupped Nico’s face. “You have to understand that it’s all me. The part of me that needs to take care of you is just as important as the part of me that would die without you.”
Die without him… How was it that a murder wasn’t the craziest thing to happen to him that day? “Jesus, you’re so fucking intense, dude,” Nico whispered. “I was just hoping to get laid.”
The look in Mal’s eyes stole Nico’s two remaining brain cells. “I can still help you with that.”
“I-I don’t know.”
Mal’s mouth brushed his softly, and Nico opened for him immediately, sighing as Mal’s tongue slipped inside. Nico’s head grew buzzy, Mal’s kiss sending flames licking along his insides. He’d been turned on so many times today, it was starting to feellike some kind of endurance trial. He didn’t know what to do anymore.
When Mal pulled back, his free hand slid from Nico’s ribs to his nipple, flicking it with his nail. “Want me to decide for you, Fidget?”
Did he? He was so confused.
Mal crashed their mouths together as he twisted the sensitive nub between his fingers, swallowing the pained cry from Nico before saying against his lips, “I asked you a question.”
“Yes,” Nico cried, cock leaking. “Just…you decide. Tell me what I want…please.”
Nico was gazing up at Mal with a quiet desperation he’d never seen on his best friend before. Nico was many things—loud, restless, attentive, funny, often silly. But he tended to hide his weakest parts. The ones that he thought were the worst of him. The ones Mal loved the most about him.
He hadn’t meant to show his hand so soon. He’d been content to wait Nico out, let him come around to the inevitable in his own time. When you had the rest of your life to be with someone, a few months seemed a small price to pay. But now, they were there, Nico beneath him, chest rising and falling rapidly as he waited for Mal to tell him what he wanted.
Mal did what he’d wanted to do for months. He sat back, letting his hands trail over the familiar ink decorating Nico’s body, from the delicate pixelated hearts to the bold scorpion on his chest. His fingers lingered over the small Playstation buttons nestled against Nico’s hips, a grin tugging at his lips as he brushed the symbols with deliberate care, earning a quiet hiccup.
