Ever frowned. Nothing he thought of seemed special in any way. They were just names he heard thousands of times, in a million different romance novels. “I don’t know,” he said, flopping back against the pillows.
Arsen took Ever’s free hand, playing with his fingers. When he finally spoke again, his voice sounded unusually shy. “Back in Russia, my friends and family called me Senya. It’s not exactly a term of endearment but more like a family name. Something only the people closest to you use.”
“But nobody here calls you that,” Ever said. “And you think of them as your family.”
“They are. True. But once we got to the States, my mom was the only one who continued to call me that. After she died, hearing anyone else say it was…painful. But now…” He kissed Ever’s palm. “It would be nice to hear you say it.”
“Senya,” Ever repeated, noting the way Arsen’s eyes went soft. “Senya,” he said again, liking the way it felt dripping off his tongue. “And nobody else calls you that? Not even your dad?”
Arsen rolled onto his side, burying his face against Ever’s stomach, his words muffled. “No. Here, everybody calls me Arsen. Even my father. He said it sounded tough. That it commanded respect. That it would help me toughen up.”
“I’m sure other people think you’re pretty scary,” Ever assured him as he carded his fingers through his hair.
“Doyouthink I’m scary?” Arsen teased, rubbing his nose against Ever’s skin until he squirmed before blowing a raspberry, making Ever squeal.
“No,” he said around a giggle.
Arsen rolled back to look up at Ever. “Good. I don’t ever want you to be afraid of me.”
Ever’s heart caught in his throat. He couldn’t remember a time where he was afraid of Arsen. Even in the beginning, he was far more afraid he’d give him to someone else than he was of Arsen harming him personally. He was still afraid, if he was being honest, and the reason hadn’t changed all that much.
“I’m not afraid of you,” Ever admitted softly. “I’m afraid of being without you.”
Arsen looked into his eyes. “That’s not something you need to worry about.”
“Mm,” Ever said, noncommittal. Was that something Arsen could promise when someone had already threatened Ever twice? But he didn’t say that. He didn’t want to ruin their night.
“Why did you want to know about my name?”
Ever shrugged. “Something Jeremiah said today. He asked why I’d named myself Ever. It got me thinking about names.”
“And…what did you tell him?” Arsen asked carefully.
“I lied,” Ever admitted. “I said I didn’t remember.”
Arsen frowned, taking Ever’s hand once more. “Why did you lie? You’re not a liar.”
Ever sighed. “I don’t know. ‘Cause it’s embarrassing.”
“What is?”
Ever closed his eyes. “Why I picked my name. Or how, I guess.”
“Will you tell me?” Arsen asked softly.
Ever chewed on his bottom lip, his stomach churning with pizza and anxiety. “I didn’t learn to read until I was old. Like, when most kids were thinking about their first year of high school, I was sounding out words like cat and hat. Up until that point, my world was really small. The size of a closet, really.”
Arsen squeezed Ever’s hand.
Ever just stared at the opposite wall. “Jennika kept the blinds closed, but, sometimes, when she wasn’t home, I would look outside and see kids playing. Watching them play was really all I knew about the outside world. Until she started bringing home these picture books and workbooks. They were for little kids, preschoolers. But I didn’t know that. Once I mastered those, I learned how big the world really was, how big the universe was.”
Arsen’s palm was sweaty. Or maybe it was Ever’s. He didn’t know. It didn’t matter. “Her teaching me to read was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. Best, because I had some kind of skill most of the world possessed, but worse, because books showed me that my life wasn’t normal and that most people were living happy lives. Most kids were living happy lives…but not me.”
“Ever…” Arsen said, voice raw.
Ever gave him a watery smile. “I preferred fairy tales because nobody was living those lives. There were no frog princes or children finding houses made of candy in the woods. I loved fairy tales, even the really dark ones. But my favorite book wasThe Ugly Duckling. Because his life sucked like mine. He wasn’t like others and neither was I. But, eventually, he grows up and realizes that he was just in the wrong place with the wrong people. He wasn’t a duck…” Ever looked down at Arsen in awe. “He was a swan. Like you.”
Arsen smiled up at him. “See? You were meant to be with me the whole time.”
