Arsen smiled, looking almost proud, then pointed to a large bed in the corner, something far bigger than Ever had ever slept on before. “You can sleep here, okay? You can sleep as long as you want.” Ever waited for the catch, waited for whatever it was Arsen would demand in return, but he just gave him a little wave. “I’m right here if you need me.”
Then Ever was alone.
He was used to being alone. He’d been that way most of his life, trapped alone in confined spaces. But when Arsen closed the door, Ever’s heart dropped, like he’d taken all the light with him. Which was stupid, because the whole room was filled with light. He sat on the bed, bouncing on the mattress a bit. It was soft. But more importantly, it was clean.
He threw back the blankets and dove into the pillows, burying his face in them and inhaling deeply, his exhaustion bleeding from every pore of his body. Reading three people had been exhausting, especially new people. He hadn’t learned their tells, hadn’t learned how to discern whether they were there to harm him or help him.
He closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to overtake him. But it didn’t. As the minutes ticked by, an uneasiness grew within him. The room was too big. Even though he could see every corner, he still couldn’t shake the feeling he was being watched. He tried to pull the covers over his head, but that somehow just made it worse. He felt…exposed. He tried to hide his face, even contemplating sliding under the bed.
But there was no room.
He bit his lower lip, his panic ratcheting higher with each second until he was on his feet without much rational thought, then he was standing outside Arsen’s door. He raised his hand to knock, but then hesitated. What if he woke him up?
He didn’t know how long he stood there, hand raised, worrying about what was worse—being alone or making Arsen angry enough to punish him. At least he knew what punishments felt like. He was willing to risk it if it meant this panic clawing inside him would release its hold on his lungs.
He turned the knob instead, peeking inside when the door opened. Ever’s lips parted at the sight before him. Arsen was sprawled across his bed in a pair of black pants that sat low on his hips and nothing else. He had one hand behind his head and the other flung to the side, his expression peaceful.
Ever snuck closer, watching as Arsen’s chest rose and fell steadily. He was…pretty. Colorful. Luminous. He had several tattoos that Ever didn’t understand, but the one he couldn’t stop staring at was the print circling his nipple. It said PRESS START.
He didn’t know what that meant either, but Ever itched to press it anyway. Just to know. Arsen’s large body took up most of the bed, but there was a tiny sliver of space between him and the wall. Ever hesitated for only a second before climbing onto the bed as carefully as possible, then working himself into the tight space, keeping his body turned towards Arsen…just in case.
He half-expected Arsen to wake immediately, but he didn’t. Instead, he rolled onto his side until he and Ever were almost nose to nose. It was so much easier to see how pretty he was up close. He had long lashes that cast shadows on his cheeks. He had a mole on his left ear. A lock of blue hair fell over one thick, dark brow.
Ever reached up and pushed it back, smiling when it fell defiantly back over his eye. He did it again, watching it rebound once more. Then again.
He was so engrossed in his little game, he didn’t even notice the change in Arsen’s breathing, not until he opened his eyes and looked at Ever sleepily.
“Hi,” he said, voice sleep-soaked.
“Hi,” Ever whispered, swallowing the lump of sand in his throat.
Arsen frowned. “Are you okay?”
Ever licked his lower lip. “The room is too big.”
“What?”
Frustration leached into Ever. He hated talking. “The room is too big.”
“Oh,” Arsen said, giving him a soft smile that did things to Ever’s stomach. “Is it better here? With me?”
Ever hesitated. What if he rejected him? What if he wanted more than sleep? Ever would give it to him if it meant not having to go back to that big empty bed in that big empty room. He nodded.
Arsen lifted a hand and cupped Ever’s cheek. The skin there was rough, like sandpaper. “You’re older than I thought. You’re just small. How old are you, little one?”
Once more, Ever licked his lower lip, leaning close until his forehead all but touched Arsen’s. “Nineteen. I’m old enough.”
Arsen frowned. “Old enough?”
Ever’s blood rushed in his ears. In all the times he’d been with someone, he’d never initiated it. He might as well get it over with. It wouldn’t be so bad with him. Arsen smelled good and he was pretty and warm. He lifted a hand and placed it on Arsen’s bare chest, feeling the shuddering breath he took when their skin connected. He made eye contact, sliding his palm down towards Arsen’s belly button.
He was almost to that trail of hair when Arsen snagged his wrist, yanking him back to reality. “Hey. You…you don’t have to do that.”
Ever flushed, then gave him a smile. “I don’t mind.”
Arsen frowned, then sighed. He looked…sad. Disappointed even. “I don’t…I don’twantyou to do that.”
Heat flooded Ever’s face, tears springing to his eyes. “Oh.”
