“Like just being out in the world.”
Ever let tears slide down his cheeks, doing his best to not let Arsen see he was upset. “Okay.”
He hadn’t been asking Arsen for sex. He’d just wanted to know. Was that wrong? Should he not want to know? If people with trauma sometimes used sex and kinks to cope, why was he in trouble for asking about it? Arsen had made it clear he didn’t want that with Ever. But he hadn’t said he couldn’t ask questions.
He hated feeling like he was wrong all the time. He hated feeling like an alien who’d crash landed on another planet where he didn’t know the rules or the laws or the language. Where he didn’t know what he was allowed to ask or want or care about. He’d only been asking.
He sniffled softly, wiping at his face as discreetly as possible.
The weight of Arsen’s arm across his hip had made him feel safe yesterday. Now, it just made him feel stupid. Almost like he sensed Ever’s distress, Arsen shifted. Ever could swear he felt his lips against the top of his head for a fleeting moment. But then it was gone.
Thenhewas gone, rolling away from Ever. “Get some sleep,besenok.”
Yeah, right.
Arsen didn’t go back to sleep. He was sixty percent sure Ever didn’t either. He’d stopped crying, but that didn’t make Arsen feel any less shitty for making him sad in the first place. There was a stiffness to the way he was lying, his breathing erratic, like he was trying to fake sleep for Arsen’s benefit.
Arsen was fucking everything up so badly. Should he have answered Ever’s questions? What did Arsen know about kink? What did he really even know about sex? He had it, he enjoyed it, but it wasn’t aboutfeelings, just feeling…something. Sex hadn’t ever meant anything to Arsen. How could he be expected to explain it to Ever? But Ever did deserve some kind of explanation, just maybe not from him.
Arsen crawled out of bed, pulling the covers up around Ever before throwing on a t-shirt, grabbing his cell phone and heading downstairs where he was out of earshot. He looked at the time. It was seven in the morning.
Felix would probably be up already. He owned his own company but got up early to ride to work with his husband. Besides, Felix wouldn’t be mad if Arsen called with a crisis, especially this kind of crisis. He lived for drama of any sort.
Arsen hit the call button.
Felix answered on the third ring, sounding confused. “Hello?”
“I need you,” Arsen said in lieu of a greeting.
Felix snorted, his tone shifting to one of boredom. “Sorry, I’m happily married. You should have said something sooner.”
Arsen rolled his eyes. It was hard to believe he and Jericho were brothers sometimes. They were polar opposites. Jericho was a killer but, deep down, he was a softie. Felix on the other hand… His husband, Avi, called him an alley cat in a rhinestone collar and the description suited him.
Felix looked like a rich man’s sugar baby, but he was lethal in every sense of the word. Not even a career designing for A-list celebrities could quell his love of violence.
“Something happened with Ever,” Arsen said.
There was a long pause then Felix said, “That was quick. I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t think you had it in you to defile the little darling. But I get it. He’s pretty adorable.”
Defile? Why was everyone suddenly so obsessed with sex?
But then wasn’t that why Arsen had called Felix in the first place?
“I didn’t defi—have sex with him,” Arsen said, feeling guilty even thinking the worddefilein relation to Ever. He deserved better than that.
“Wow, Jericho’s right. You are down bad,” Felix said, his amusement obvious.
It didn’t surprise Arsen that Jericho was talking to his brother about him. His friends were gossips to the core and—despite his constant lecturing about staying out of other people’s business—Jericho was somehow the biggest gossip of them all, sharing their secrets with his husband and their cat.
Arsen had no doubt his friends—Levi, Seven, Noah, Arlo, Zane, Lake, Cree, and Nico—had created a group chat without him so they could talk about him and Ever at length. That was what Arsen would have done if it was any of them. That was just how their crew worked.
“Are you going to help me or not?” Arsen said, his frustration growing with each passing moment.
“Help you what, babes? You still haven’t told me what the problem is. Since you apparently haven’t devirginized the little gumdrop.”
Arsen didn’t know what a gumdrop was. He shook his head, trying to focus with the wordvirginstill ringing in his ears. “I fucked up.”
“Tell me everything,” Felix said, breathless with excitement.
