“Who knew something so small could be such trouble?” Arsen mused to himself. Ever tilted his head, looking at him like a confused puppy. “Forget it. Let’s go to bed. Do you want to sleep in the computer room?”
Ever shook his head.
“Use your words,besenok,” Arsen teased.
Ever caught his lip with his teeth but quickly released it. “I want to sleep with you.”
Arsen was glad his hoodie was hiding his dick since it was starting to take notice again. He was going to have to make sure their sleeping position was different from last night’s or Ever was going to run screaming, thinking Arsen was the worst kind of person.
Maybe he was. He tried not to be, but it was all so much. His body wanted what it wanted, but that didn’t mean he was entitled to it. He just didn’t know how to get the message to the right department in his brain because Ever smelled like him and felt so good and was so cuddly.
Before they left the bathroom, Arsen took the Vaseline from the counter and opened it, dabbing some on Ever’s abused mouth. He needed to take better care of him. He needed a doctor. Several maybe. He’d talk to Coe tomorrow. He’d know how to help him.
Once they were back in his room, Arsen pulled back the covers for Ever, watching as he climbed in and scooted himself against the wall. Arsen tugged off his hoodie and laid beside him. He usually slept in his underwear or less, but not tonight. Tonight it was imperative to keep as many layers between them as possible.
He stayed on his back a respectful distance away, staring up at the ceiling like the answers to the universe were written there. He could do this. He could totally do this. Ever was a good foot away, facing away from him. It would all be fine.
As if Ever could read his mind, he rolled over, then inch-wormed his way to Arsen slowly, watching his face the whole time, checking to see if he was going to be chastised or turned away. As if Arsen could ever do that. Finally, Ever curled against his side, resting his head on Arsen’s shoulder, his hand on his bare stomach.
He held very still, but Arsen could feel him trembling. When he looked down at him, Ever looked up, his trepidation obvious, like he thought Arsen would yell at him or tell him to move.
As if that were ever a possibility.
Instead, he pulled the covers up around them, then dropped his arm to Ever’s shoulders, threading his fingers in his hair, combing through it like he had earlier. He continued stroking his hair until Ever’s breathing evened out. What the hell was he doing? What was happening here?
One day.
One day and Ever owned him, body and soul.
Arsen would never hear the end of this.
Ever woke to the sound of whimpering. He covered his mouth to not wake up Arsen with his crying. But it wasn’t him. Beside him, Arsen’s face was contorted, eyes closed, head moving restlessly on the pillow.
“Net. Tol'ko ne eto.”
“Ya ne stany.”
Ever knew all about nightmares. Used to have them all the time when he was little before he gave up hope that life would get better. When waking hours were the nightmare, sleep for him felt like a reprieve, but what happened when life got better? Would Ever have nightmares again, horrible flashbacks to what he’d endured before Arsen saved him? Would sleep become the place he went to relive the worst of it?
What was Arsen reliving?
Ever thought about waking him. He didn’t want him to be sad. And he was sad. There were tears on his cheeks. Or maybe it was sweat. Ever put his hand to his chest. The rest of him didn’t feel hot, at least not any hotter than his skin usually was beneath Ever’s hands.
Usually.
They’d slept in the same bed twice. That wasn’t enough time for Ever to know Arsen’s “usual” but still… Arsen had been only good to him so far. He didn’t want him to suffer. Arsen was lying on his side facing him, crying, whimpering, sometimes sounding like he was choking. Ever didn’t know what to do.
He scooted closer, wrapping himself around Arsen tightly, locking him in his embrace. Arsen was so much bigger than him that hugging him required Ever to press his face under Arsen’s chin. He couldn’t stop himself from inhaling his scent. There was just something so familiar and comforting to it.
Arsen’s cries ceased, but he continued to mutter words Ever couldn’t understand, some garbled, some in his native tongue. All Ever could do was hold him until he settled into sleep once more. Holding Arsen didn’t feel like a chore. Part of Ever thought maybe it was wrong. Not just because Jennika said boys couldn’t love other boys, but because Arsen touched him so carefully. Looked at him in a way that made Ever feel hot and shivery.
But Arsen always looked sorry for it, and Ever didn’t know why. He was too embarrassed to ask. He should know these things. Normal people his age knew these things. He’d read books about people who grew up and got married and had kids. He knew how things between boys and girls were supposed to go, but Arsen wasn’t a girl and Ever was barely a person.
Ever listened to the blood pounding in his ears, the sound deafening. What was Arsen even thinking about? What could scare someone like him? Ever didn’t know much, but he knew Arsen had killed Jennika without a thought. He knew Jericho and Atticus knew it, too.
There was talk about jobs with knowing looks and pointed stares. Ever wasn’t stupid. What they did in the daylight hid what it was they were doing at night—killing people. Ever should feel bad about that. Right? Killing was wrong. But Ever had met a lot of bad, wrong people since Jennika bought him and Arsen didn’t feel bad about what he did to her. None of them felt bad. Even if they did bad things.
But was it really bad? Killing Jennika had saved him.
