“Nah, in prison you tend to stick with your own. I ran with the Mexican Mafia. Did some business on the side. You’ve heard Lawson talk. The only group that wanted him was the Brotherhood. Lawson wasn’t about to get mixed up with that white trash, so he just kept his head down and tried not to piss anybody off. Not an easy task when you’re as much of a shit starter as he is. But Lawson, he had his own side hustle, selling commissary.” Javier laughed like he thought that was ridiculous. “Kept him on everybody’s good side, you know?”
“So, how did you guys become friends? Like, he’s your roommate.”
“Cy and Nicky started volunteering for Pam and her organization, back when they just rescued animals. Pam was one of the three nurses who worked in the prison. When Preacher got out, he started volunteering, and Lawson followed soon after. Preacher and his husband both volunteer sometimes still. I was scheduled to go back to working for my uncle, taking care of his clients on this side of the border, but I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I was burned out.”
“And your uncle just let you go?”
Javier shrugged. “I’m more of an on-call employee now. I do favors for him when the need arises.”
“But I thought once you were in these things, you’re in for life. Blood in, blood out.”
Javier smiled. “That’s gangs, not families?” At Bowie’s look, Javier clarified. “I mean, I did a lot of time to keep my uncle’s name squeaky clean. The least he could do was let me semi-retire. Pay my bills.”
Bowie lifted up on one arm to look Javier in the eyes. “Howoldare you?”
Javier looked for a minute like he wasn’t going to say before finally relenting with a sigh. “Thirty-two.”
“You’ve lived a lot for thirty-two,” Bowie managed.
“Angel, you have no idea.”
Bowie leaned down to kiss him, his palm cupping Javier’s stubbly chin. It was only meant to be a quick peck but once his mouth met the warm slide of Javier’s, it was hard not to linger, not to push his tongue inside. Javier rolled them then so Bowie was beneath him.
At first, it was nothing. The weight of his body felt nice, his kisses hot enough to curl Bowie’s toes, but then something happened, his insides curdling like milk, the comforting press of Javier’s body suddenly an anvil crushing him.
The second Javier felt him struggling, he moved, putting a little distance, before pulling Bowie up with him. “Hey. Hey, it‘s me. You’re okay. It’s me.”
Bowie blinked, sucking in deep breaths. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”
Javier rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m an idiot. That’s what happened. I never should have crawled on top of you like that without checking in first. That was my bad, angel.”
Bowie made a noise of frustration. “This sucks. Like, I hate that I don’t have any control over my own body anymore. Do you know how freaky I used to be?”
Javier grinned. “I’m all ears, angel. Tell me all about it.”
Bowie deflated. “Okay, I wasn’t really a freak but I could have been. I wanted to be. Just not with random hookups. And I didn’t have time in my life for anything else.”
Javier’s smile faded as he ran a hand through Bowie’s hair, not tugging or anything, just pushing it out of his face. “I promise it won’t be like this forever.”
“What if it is?” Bowie challenged. It wasn’t fair to ask Javier to put his sex life on hold for Bowie’s trauma.
Javier tilted his head, his eyes soft. “What do you mean?”
Bowie’s hands flailed in a helpless gesture. “What if I never get better? What if I can never let another man in my body again? Are you okay with what we’ve been doing? Just that? Forever?”
Javier shook his head. “Already thinking about forever with me, angel?”
Bowie’s face caught fire. “That’s not—”
“Shh. I like it. And yeah. If all we ever did was grind on each other and make out, I’m still one hundred percent all in. But there is another option.”
Bowie frowned. “Like what?”
Javier leaned in, running his knuckle along Bowie’s cheekbone. “You could be inside me…if that’s something you wanted to do.”
Bowie froze. “Wait. You’d let me…”
“Angel, I’d probably let you kick me in the balls if that’s what got you off.” Javier gave him a smile. “But I really hope that’s not a kink. That shit hurts like hell.”
