Jonah rubbed his thumb over Cas’s lower lip. “I’m sorry.” It seemed a weird thing to apologize for. He wasn’t even sure it was warranted, but he offered it anyway. “Madi’s…” How did he begin to explain the fucked up dynamics of his relationship with Madigan? “He’s family.”
“Do you usually fuck your family?”
“Jesus, Cas.”
Cas grinned. “You say that a lot.”
“I consider you family, too, by the way.”
Cas wrinkled his nose, and Jonah grimaced. He was digging himself a hole. He wasn’t good at this shit. “Not like that.” He sighed.
“Maybe you should stop there,” Cas suggested softly.
“You’re not Madigan, Cas.”
“Trust me, I’m very aware I’m not Madigan.” Cas straightened, sliding free of Jonah’s arm as his tone sharpened. “He made sure I knew that.”
Jonah slanted a look sideways, but Cas was fiddling with the window buttons now, scratching one nail over the plastic ridges.
Jonah reached out and stilled his fingers. “What do you mean he made sure? Madigan considers you family, too. One big, fucked up family. But he’s always looked out for you. He wanted to keep you safe the same way I did.Do.”
“Bullshit.” Cas barked out a laugh and raked a hand through his hair. “Did he ever tell you what he told me the day I left?”
That unsettled feeling flared up inside of Jonah again. “The fuck are you talking about? Did he know you were leaving?” Madigan had watched Jonah pace the apartment that night like a caged tiger, had ridden the streets with him until dawn in search of Cas. If he’d known beforehand and not said anything to Jonah, that was some unforgivable bullshit.
“No.”Cas shrugged. “Or maybe he did. I don’t know. I didn’t say anything to him after we talked.”
“What did he say to you, Caspian?”
Cas drummed his fingers over the armrest, then blew out a noisy breath, like he was reluctant to say. “That it would never happen between us.”
“Betweenus,” Jonah echoed, brows shooting up. “Between us, meaning you and me or you and him?” Crazy how much the latter ignited fury in him, like Cas was his only. But it was there, an undeniable sense of possession, a flare of anger that Cas might ever get involved with Madigan. Or even want to.
Cas laughed softly. “Are you senile? You and me. He said I might as well get over you. He could see it.” He lifted his eyes to meet Jonah’s. “I wanted you so fucking bad, and he could see it. He wanted you, too, though. And I could see that just as easily. He said it would be better if I moved on. That it wouldn’t work between us.”
“It wouldn’t. You were barely eighteen.”
“And now?” Cas’s tone held a dangerous edge.
Jonah groaned and leaned forward, resting his head against the steering wheel before stating the obvious. “Now’s different. I didn’t think of you like that back then.” How could he explain the seismic shift that had taken place, his surprise and confusion at his own reaction in the massage parlor, how swift and all-encompassing it’d been from the simple comfort he’d found in Cas’s presence years before to the torrent of heat that ran through him the second he’d touched Cas on that table and Cas had responded?
“That’s not what I meant, Jonah. I meant would it work now? Or am I just a convenient replacement for Madigan?”
Jonah slanted a look aside at Cas. He’d drawn one knee up to his chest and was biting the corner of his thumb. “Nothing about this is convenient.”
It was the wrong thing to say. Jonah knew it mid-sentence when Cas’s eyes darkened and his expression went carefully neutral. He’d meant it as a glib quip. Or hell, maybe he hadn’t entirely, but it wasn’t worth the reaction it pulled from Cas.
“Cas, wait.” Jonah reached for his wrist, but Cas was already halfway out of the car.
He ducked his head back in. “Gotta go meet that guy. Back in fifteen.”
“Cas.”
“I don’t mind being fuckbuddies, J. I just wanted to know what the situation was. Now, I do.” Cas shrugged and flashed Jonah a quicksilver smile before turning and vanishing behind the car.
Jonah banged his head against the steering wheel and then slumped back in the seat. Was there a crisis line for relationships? 1-800-HOPELESS? He reached for his phone from the console and fired off a brusque text to Madigan.
Jonah:You’d better be home in an hour. I’m stopping by.
