Robby even started to believe it. He had missed this. It was strange to miss something he’d never really had. He and Rebecca had never even gotten along. She was always so caught up in impressing Samuel, a task that was much easier for any too young girl to accomplish as far as Robby was concerned. But she had been a child too, just like him, even though she’d seemed so grown up to him. So wise. So…smug. It all seemed like forever ago. He needed to learn to just let it go somehow. He had so many siblings, but she might be the only one he’d ever see again.
A strange heaviness settled over Robby a split second before the phone started to ring from somewhere inside Rebecca’s backpack-like purse. He wasn’t alone. Rebecca frowned before jumping to her feet to dig for her phone. She stabbed at the answer button. “Ezra? What’s wrong?”
Who was Ezra? Awareness crept along his spine as he tried to place why the name seemed so familiar. But it didn’t matter anyway. The caller wasn’t Ezra, it seemed.
“Dinah? How did you get this number? Where’s Ezra? What… Calm down. Stop cryin’. I can’t understand what you’re sayin’. Samuel did what? What? No. That’s crazy. You can’t be serious? No. Don’t do anythin’. I’m comin’ home. If he tries to do this before I get there, take the children to the tunnel. Ezra knows where it is. I’ll find you.”
Rebecca picked up her bag, making for the door, a blind panic sending her spinning in circles and crying in frustration as she tried to dig for something in her bag.
Robby reached out and grabbed his sister by the shoulder, shaking her enough to get her attention. “Rebecca, stop. Stop. What is happening?”
Her face was red to the tips of her ears. “That was Dinah. Samuel knows he’s under surveillance. I don’t knowhowhe knows but he knows. He’s tellin’ everybody that it’s time to ascend and that his Father is callin’ them all home. She said he asked her to prepare the children’s drinks with some kind of bottle filled with a weird brown liquid. He told her not to worry, that everybody would just fall asleep. I have to go.”
“No. You can’t just go. What are you going to do? It’s not safe.”
Rebecca pulled a gun from her bag and chambered a round like she was in some kind of action movie. “I have my safety right here. I’m not lettin’ him kill a bunch of innocent people. I’m certainly not lettin’ him kill a bunch of helpless children, especially our brother.”
Recognition ignited a fire in Robby’s bloodstream. Ezra… His baby brother. The one born after Robby had left for Hollywood. He’d known the name was familiar. His mother had said it was her favorite name and she’d saved the best for last. Her last baby. “Why would Ezra be with you and Samuel?”
“Because Father found out the baby wasn’t his. Apparently sharin’ Mama with Samuel was one thing but let his spawn be a part of Father’s creepy church was another altogether. So, he ditched Ezra with us. I’ve raised him since he was a week old. He doesn’t know nobody but me. Even though Samuel doesn’t let us see the kids too much. He said it makes them weak, that it makes us weak too.” A tear slipped down her cheek as she stuffed her gun back in her backpack. “It’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. I’ll call you.”
“What? No. You aren’t going to confront him alone.” Robby’s insides churned. “I’m coming with you.”
Rebecca shook her head. “No. No way. You have enough troubles, you don’t need ours too.”
“I’m not letting you go face Samuel alone. We’ll call Calder on the way, and he can get help and send them to us. It’ll be okay. Where’s your car?”
Rebecca shook her head like she didn’t want him to go but that she understood it was a fight she would lose. “I parked down the block around the corner. This is a terrible idea, just so you know.”
Robby nodded. “Yeah, of course, I know.”
As they took the stairs to the garage exit, Robby punched Calder’s number on his cell phone, making a noise of frustration as it went straight to voicemail. He didn’t know what else to say so he just started rambling, “Oh, my God. Seriously? You turned your phone offnow? Listen, Rebecca and I are on our way to the farm to get the kids. Samuel has gone full kool-aid drinking Jonestown crazy and may actually be making everybody drink literal kool-aid. Rebecca has a gun and a car, and if you get this, please come save me because I don’t want to die the same day I find out I’m not going to jail. Bring your A-Team or the X-Men, whoever, and please find us. My phone is on. You can trace it, right? Oh, God, please tell me you can trace it. Oh…and I love you. I really love you. Just in case you don’t get this in time.”
Calder sat in his truck, just staring at the front of the funeral home for longer than he’d ever admit. He didn’t know why this was so hard. Jennifer was gone. She’d been gone for years, and no amount of wishing or prayers had been able to wake her up. He wished she would haunt him, haunt him or scratch him or shriek like a banshee in his nightmares. Something. Anything. He deserved that. He’d sent her back into hell on a hunch, knowing what might happen to her. Hell, knowing what already had happened to her. He’d put the mission in front of a single girl’s life. He’d chosen Megan over Jennifer and Megan was already long dead.
If he’d known… If he’d known, he probably would have made the same choice anyway, and that was it, that was what really tore at his heart. He betrayed Jennifer again and again every time he played it back. He deserved some kind of punishment for that. He didn’t deserve Robby. He didn’t deserve happiness, but he would take it, which was so much worse in Calder’s mind. It was the selfish thing to do. He should be willing to suffer, at least a little bit, for the one he couldn’t save. The one hechosenot to save.
He scrubbed his hands over his face as he noticed the parking lot beginning to fill, people leaving their vehicles and entering through thick wooden double doors. A funeral? A viewing? Fuck. He sat waiting and watching. People came and went, kids played, running between cars in the parking lot, dresses wrinkled and suit jackets carelessly tossed onto the hoods of cars to allow for ease of movement as they chased each other, laughing. Grief was a fleeting thing as a child. They often had no concept of death until it tucked itself in close enough for them to really feel its icy breath, for it to pluck a parent or a sibling or a friend. It was good. Children shouldn’t be burdened by grief. There would be enough time for sadness and pain in their lives. Eventually, death came for everybody.
“Christ, Calder. Stop being a moody son of a bitch and just go get it done,” he muttered, his voice stolen by the rumble of his diesel engine.
He looked down at his tattered jeans and faded t-shirt, wishing now he’d thought better of how he was dressed. He was relieved to see there was another entrance to the building, one that read ‘office.’ Once he stepped inside, that relief vanished. He stood in a small wood-paneled lobby that smelled like butterscotch where there was a small pale green couch with tiny pink flowers and a row of chairs. On the small table sat a lamp, some pamphlets, and a flickering candle that Calder suspected had to be the source of the overly sweet scent.
There was a man with a receding hairline and a black suit sitting at a desk with a couple on the other side. They seemed far too young to be there. The woman held a tissue in her clenched fist, her hands balled at her knees. The man was pale and stared blankly ahead as the man behind the desk pointed at a book with his pen. Calder felt like he was intruding. When the man in the suit noticed him, he appeared to excuse himself. He came to the door.
“Somebody will be with you shortly, sir.”
“Yes, that’s fine,” Calder managed, just as his phone buzzed in his pocket. Calder fumbled for it, knowing any minute it would start ringing loudly. He pressed down on the volume button with too much force, silencing the call, before sticking it back into his pocket in time to see the man close the door on him. Calder walked to the couch and sat, shoulders collapsing, as he sat counting the knotholes in the fake wooden panels.
Calder wondered how Robby was getting along with Rebecca. He knew how much Robby had missed his siblings, had missed having a family. Calder wanted Rebecca to be everything she seemed, for Robby’s sake. He’d had so much pain and disappointment in his life. He deserved a little comfort and happiness, and even though Calder wished he was enough, he knew Robby needed his family.
Calder was reaching into his pocket when the door opened and a girl with green hair and black lipstick entered, wearing a black dress with a white Peter Pan collar and the biggest shoes Calder had ever seen. They looked like baby shoes but for babies who wanted to be four inches taller. The girl’s face fell when she saw him sitting there, her eyes taking him in from head to toe as she sucked on the straw of her black Starbucks cup. She clearly was going for a look.
She glanced at the closed door and sighed. “Can I help you?”
Calder stood, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. “I’m here to pick up some remains.”
“Cremains.”
